Geezer

May 09, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

How to use imagery in poetry..

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Description: Encourage use of imagery by discussion and exercises. Leader: Scribbler Moderator(s): Geezer, Paul, Mark Objectives: Getting accustomed to using imagery. Level of expertise: Open to all Subject matter: imagery

Imagery in poetry

imagery definition:The art of making images, figurative language, the product of imagination. (this comes from Webster's 9th collegiate dictionary.)

Opening statement...Why use imagery?One reason is to add beauty to a poem, Another is to draw a reader into your poem.
Here is an example of a good use of imagery by Robert Frost.

Good Hours
I had for my winter evening walk
no one at all with whom to talk,
but I had the cottages in a row
up to their shining eyes in snow

And I thought I had the folk within
I had the sound of a violin.
I had a glimpse through curtain laces
of youthful forms and youthful faces.

I had such company outward bound
I went until there were no cottages found
I turned and repenting,but coming back
I saw no window but was black.

Over the snow my creaking feet
disturbed the slumbering village street
like profanation by your leave
at ten o'clock of a winter eve.

Now we'll discuss how this drew the readers in
It's the imagery which did that. Don't believe it?
then reread it leaving out all descriptive words.

open to questions and comments. We will now also talk about the many types of imagery

onward to exercises
#1 each person try to write a poem with little or no imagery
post your poem on stream(don't forget to hit the workshop button)
also try to keep it under 16 lines

2. Everybody read all these imagery poor poems and post your thoughts comment section below each poem

3.Check the membership list.
go to the person listed below your name.
Now rewrite his/her poem using rich imagery
Be sure to acknowledge the original writer
post your rewrite on stream.
DO NOT RUSH!!!

4. We will now discuss each rewritten poem comparing it to original write
*discussions will be ongoing throughout the shop on stream.

5. Now write a poem using what you have learned here.

6. read all these final poems and comment hen vote on your favorite DO NOT VOTE FOR MY POEM

Subject to change

This workshop is closed.

Ginger Sleeps...

Bright white light, floods yet again
Locked in waist length braids
She proudly walks
Stepping safe and sure
Her calm allure, so pure

Sleep into silent dream
Unknown worlds and schemes
Clouded, foggy visions
Green gardens of faith
Beyond the guarded gate

Clear stream of unconsciousness
Pulls her heart from scorching fire
He tosses it aside
Stay here forever...
His fantasy stops

Looking weak and fragile
We fear the worst
It falls beyond the pale
No warmth, and so
She never wakes

Thinks he...
She might be dying

— Geezer, May 09, 2024

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Critiques

neopoet

1 month 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem “Ginger Sleeps...” employs a narrative arc that moves from an initial sense of calm and purity to an ambiguous, possibly tragic ending. The structure is loosely stanzaic, with each section contributing to the emotional progression.

Imagery is a notable strength: “Bright white light,” “waist length braids,” and “green gardens of faith” create a vivid, almost ethereal atmosphere. The poem’s movement from waking to dreaming is handled with subtlety, especially in the lines “Sleep into silent dream / Unknown worlds and schemes,” which suggest both comfort and uncertainty.

The narrative voice is somewhat detached, which suits the subject matter but also creates distance from the emotional core. The use of pronouns (“she,” “he”) without clear antecedents introduces ambiguity. While this can be effective in evoking mystery, it also risks confusing the reader, especially in the transition between dream and reality. The line “He tosses it aside / Stay here forever...” is particularly ambiguous—clarifying the referent of “it” (presumably her heart) and the identity of “he” could strengthen the emotional impact.

The poem’s conclusion—“She never wakes / Thinks he... / She might be dying”—introduces a shift in perspective that is somewhat abrupt. The ellipsis after “Thinks he...” is unconventional and may disrupt the flow; rephrasing or restructuring this section could provide a more powerful ending.

Thematically, the poem explores vulnerability, loss, and the boundary between life and death. The use of dream imagery and the motif of sleep are effective, but the poem could benefit from greater clarity in the narrative progression and a more consistent point of view.

Consider refining the transitions between stanzas and clarifying the relationships between the characters to enhance coherence and emotional resonance. The poem’s strengths lie in its evocative language and atmospheric detail; focusing on narrative clarity will help these qualities stand out more fully.

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Geezer

2 years ago

Workshop...

Mark's workshop poem, rewritten. ~ Geez.
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