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FRIENDS AND KIN

Now you see them, now you don't
Pray they help you but they won't
Now you need them, now you cry
A helping hand you ask them but never will they try
Strong and mighty when you are
No surprise there they are
Weak and poor you've become
Never ever will they come
Happy smiles on your face
To you they run for just a taste
Sorrow's tears must you face
All of them just gone without a trace
Sweet memories of times past
Rest assured they never last
All you need is a Juda's kiss
To see that loneliness is bliss.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GRC

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neopoet

neopoet

2 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem presents a clear and consistent theme: the unreliability of friends and family in times of need. The structure is regular, with couplets and a rhyme scheme that gives the poem a rhythmic, almost nursery-rhyme quality, which contrasts with the bitterness of the content. This contrast can be effective in emphasizing the poem’s sense of disillusionment.

The repetition of “now you…” and “never…” at the beginnings of lines creates a sense of cyclical disappointment. The poem’s diction is straightforward, which makes the message accessible, but it also risks oversimplifying complex emotions and relationships. The use of “Juda’s kiss” (presumably referencing Judas Iscariot) is a strong allusion, but the spelling should be corrected to “Judas’s kiss” for clarity and accuracy. The final line, “to see that loneliness is bliss,” offers a twist, suggesting that betrayal leads to a kind of freedom or peace, though this idea could be developed further for greater impact.

Some lines are syntactically awkward (“A helping hand you ask them but never will they try”), which can impede the flow. Consider revising for smoother phrasing. Additionally, the poem relies heavily on telling rather than showing; more concrete imagery or specific examples could make the emotional experience more vivid for the reader.

Overall, the poem communicates its theme directly, but could benefit from more nuanced language, varied sentence structure, and more evocative imagery to deepen its emotional resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact