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docmaverick
docmaverick
Jun 02, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Fool Circle

Unripened fears
obscurred by misty, future tears

everblurring visions
of what I hope will soon happen to me;

daunted passions
clouded windows, and myriad "jarred" doors.

By my own admissions,
how can I know for sure that, a dream realized will console me?

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Merely tried to expand upon a brief thought. doc.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates, Poe, Dickinson, and Dr. Seuss. There are a smattering of others, but why bother listing 'em all, ya know?, I also rely on a few of our poets, here....for advice, and what not. I couldn't possibly explain what a fountain of live, effective knowledge we have...right here in our midst ! To catch a glimmer of brilliance, merely visit: the Stream.

More from this author

Comments

Rottiestyl

Rottiestyl

14 years 10 months ago

This one hits home for me

This one hits home for me right now - dreams that I wish could come true but would probably panic like a school girl if they did, lol, 6 of one half a dozen of another. Very good write.

Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

14 years 10 months ago

You will touch your reader with this subject

I don't think we ever truly know what the future holds, but I was once told, it is just so much better to say "Gee, I wish I hadn't than Gee, I wish I had."

We never know until we take that chance. If not this time, then perhaps the next. But, each step we take toward enlightenment or love has a way of making the next step that much easier.

You ask a question many have asked throughout life. You will touch your reader with this subject because just about everyone can relate.

As far as technicality goes, I think this a bit wordy for free-verse poetry. It verges on prose cut up to look like poetry. You might practice a bit more brevity in this work.

An example might be:

"raw fear
obscures

future tears blur vision
cloud windows

as myriads of jarred doors
daunt inner passion"

Just a thought.
All in all, your message is clear.
Thank you for the opportunity to absorb your words. ~Pamela

docmaverick

docmaverick

14 years 10 months ago

I'm not....

...used to freeform, it was suggested to me to try.
I greatly appreciate your imput.
sincerely,
doc.