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Apr 27, 2023
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Flower
The only love I had known was like a bee to a cactus flower
So just as a bee, I dug my stinger in as far as it could go
trying desperately to attach
in return
I got ripped apart
I turned into a wasp
I can finally sting
without suffering greater
but little did I know
wasps
were a matriarch
Mothers
the backbone of society
yet some of those women
turn comfort
to anxiety
Mothers are what keep us together
although not the ones who control the weather
and choose to shower you in cactus flowers
and watch as it happens
Never
the ones that take all you've earned
from needles down your back for hours
Those women do not deserve that title
A title is something you earn
so it belongs
to the women who honor the metamorphosis of nature
as they help you bloom, rather than bleed.
That bee that I was
with his first flower
anxious for love
will forever be gone
Although through years of reincarnation
as every flower I attempt to take back wilts
and depraves me of pollen
I gave up
I have become
the flower
I have died
relived
died
and decomposed into the flower
as we became one
So as I repeat the cycle
of death
and life
I hope to one day become a weed
repulsive
and unrecognizable.
© Now, Liliana Stephens love • personal • mothers • sad • betrayal • sexual-assault
— Di Gioia, Apr 27, 2023
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: This poem is about sexually abusive mothers, so please take this as a content warning
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores complex emotions surrounding love, transformation, and the roles of women, particularly mothers, with vivid natural imagery. The metaphor of the bee and the cactus flower effectively conveys the speaker’s initial painful experience with love—an interaction that is both alluring and harmful. The progression from bee to wasp symbolizes a hardening or defense mechanism developed through suffering, which is a compelling narrative arc.
The poem’s strength lies in its layered symbolism: the bee, wasp, flower, and weed each represent different states of vulnerability, strength, and rejection. The shift from being a seeker of love to becoming the flower itself, and ultimately aspiring to be a weed, suggests a profound evolution in identity and self-perception. This transformation is poignant and thought-provoking.
However, the poem could benefit from tighter structural cohesion. Some stanzas feel uneven in length and rhythm, which occasionally interrupts the flow. For example, the line breaks around "but little did I know / wasps / were a matriarch" could be reconsidered to enhance clarity and impact. Additionally, the phrase “and depraves me of pollen” might be revised for precision; “deprives” would be more accurate unless “depraves” is intentionally used for a specific effect.
The thematic contrast between nurturing mothers and those who cause pain is powerful but might be more effective with more concrete imagery or examples to deepen the emotional resonance. The closing lines about becoming a weed are striking but could be expanded slightly to clarify the speaker’s feelings about rejection and self-identity.
Overall, the poem presents a rich metaphorical journey with emotional depth. Refining the rhythm and clarifying some word choices would strengthen its impact and readability.
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Geezer
3 years 1 month ago
This piece...
is very ambiguous and does not lend itself well to the theme. I could imagine a great many scenarios where the bee and the flower were symbols of an unrequited love or maybe something along the lines of a cougar-type thing, where the youthful
partner is unaware of the consequences of the liaison. It's okay; I can see it for what it is. ~ Geezer.
.
Di Gioia
3 years 1 month ago
Thank you for the feedback, I
Thank you for the feedback, I edited a lot of the lines because I didn't wan't it to sounds too personal, but maybe I should submit the original.