FLIM-FLAM SAM

Your government's not a bad joke
but it's made up of mirrors and smoke
it's a grand sleight of hand!
a scam of command!
a planned underhandedly hoax!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: ..here, the word "underhandedly" reads out of place, but it is defined as an adjective. Any thoughts are appreciated. Cheers!

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lake Simcoe Canada

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel,

Comments

Candlewitch

5 months 1 week ago

hello Thomas,

In this line: "a planned underhandedly hoax!" should the word (underhandedly) read more smoothly as: (underhanded) ?

p.s.

I find that all of your poems come from a super strong voice. It is reassuring. Thank you.

fondly, Cat

|Triskelion

5 months 1 week ago

adjective vs. adverb

I don't know why the word was defined as an adjective on the site I visited. I'm sure it's a mistake (or at least less acceptable?). With the coming of brainless intelligence, I suppose somewhere in the future, grammar rules will become entirely subjective and fantasy will supplant reality. Anyway, the line you refer to can be considered proper(ish) whether the word "underhandedly" is an adjective(less correct) or an adverb, but for a comma somewhere in the line. The line could be rewritten "underhandedly planned as a hoax" which would solve the quandary nicely. Thanks for your input. It helps everyone in the community.

Candlewitch

5 months 1 week ago

Dear Thomas,

You are very welcome. Thank you for the explanation and the time taken to give it. "Brainless Intelligence! what our world is coming to... I find it both scary and sad.

fondly, Cat

ROCKY Tlaelane

5 months 1 week ago

In South Africa right now we…

In South Africa right now we running a movement for GBV

the very same government officials stated that we are embarassing them

Scams of çommand' they refused to accept our petition

Geezer

5 months 1 week ago

Based on...

on a Capitalistic system, there are those that have figured out if they keep the general populace at each other's throats, the rest of us will not notice them using us for their own gains. They make the rules, and they make them so complicated and devious that most people just say; "I can't figure it out" and give up. As long as we don't feel the knife in the back, we are okay with just being comfortable. What we never seem to understand, is that even if we get rid of one bunch of 'scumbags' there are always another bunch waiting to take advantage of us while we are dealing with the first bunch. Good job. ~ Geez.