Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jul 04, 2016
⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature
Finding Home (edit)
The way home
Is not always found
On the road
Or just traveling around
The way home
Is a mental state
Created by longing
Hope and a little fate
A smell from a kitchen
The sounds of children
Playing in a yard
Seem familiar and common
The lake, park
Or a diner
On Sunday morning
With my father
A picture in the mind
Of somewhere safe
With happy people
Who were so kind
There are times
That we don’t see
Where home is at
For lack of a key
That lost moment
In a world that has forgotten.
Feeling abandoned,
Like an enfant
Some how
The power of a memory
Takes us straight back
And so abruptly
Isn’t it wonderful!!
— Eduardo Cruz, Jul 04, 2016
Share this poem
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
weirdelf
10 years ago
true
'Is a metal state' did you mean mental?
Might I suggest that some negative associations might add to the robustness of the piece?
Eduardo Cruz
10 years ago
Jess,
Yes Mental is correct, as I always say. "Run away fingers"
I have taken your suggestion and added the negative associations.
Thanks brother!
Eddie C.
weirdelf
10 years ago
Just my opinion, of course
I feel the piece is stronger now. Good revisions.
Eduardo Cruz
10 years ago
Jess,
It still needs more work...
Eddie C.
wesley snow
10 years ago
Sorry Eduardo,
but I didn't much care for it as poetry. I love the theme and the vignettes are compelling, but it isn't poetry in my ear.
This is a "list" poem and I'm not crazy about it.
Eduardo Cruz
10 years ago
You are right!
Didn't care for it much myself, just wrote it and decide to post it as is. I will return to it and make some changes that will make it sound like poetry.
Eddie C.
Thanks for the visit feel better!
judyanne
10 years ago
love the concept Eddie
I hope you do work on this to give it a more poetic leaning
lol - this is one I'd love to play with
I look forward to what you do with it
love judy
xxx
raj
10 years ago
Eddie
I liked the theme as well as the message...
Regards,
Eduardo Cruz
10 years ago
raj,
Thank you, it is appreciated!
Eddie C.
Join Neopoet to leave a critique
Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.