eternal

Till snow all melts and dies,
while weeping willow cries.
I’ll sleep until the spring,
where soaring skylarks sing.

When seasons turn once more,
and sea, sunset and shore
recall to memory
her blonde hair flapping free.

She was my summer love,
when there were gods above,
and she would always wait
to meet, by kissing gate,

till darkness it was gone
and light, it lit upon
our souls, down by the stream,
where love was all we’d dream.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: a remastered version

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Buxton, Derbyshire., GBR

Comments

neopoet

3 weeks 5 days ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores themes of time, memory, and enduring love through the changing seasons, employing natural imagery to evoke emotional states. The cyclical structure, moving from winter to spring and back to summer memories, effectively mirrors the persistence of love despite the passage of time.

The rhyme scheme is consistent and traditional, which lends a musical quality to the poem, though at times it feels somewhat predictable. Experimenting with varied rhyme or meter might add a layer of complexity and freshness to the rhythm.

Imagery such as "weeping willow," "soaring skylarks," and "blonde hair flapping free" vividly conveys mood and setting, but some phrases could be more precise or original to deepen the emotional impact. For example, "weeping willow cries" is a familiar personification; finding a unique way to express sorrow or transition could make the image more striking.

The phrase "when there were gods above" introduces a mythic or timeless dimension, which is intriguing but not fully developed. Expanding on this idea could enrich the poem’s thematic depth.

The "kissing gate" is a charming and specific detail that grounds the poem in a tangible place, enhancing intimacy. However, the final stanza's phrasing, particularly "till darkness it was gone / and light, it lit upon," feels slightly awkward. Revising for smoother syntax might improve flow.

Overall, the poem succeeds in capturing a nostalgic and tender mood, but refining some imagery and experimenting with form could elevate its emotional resonance and originality.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

3 weeks 4 days ago

A perfect memory...

to be kept eternally. Springtime is my favorite season, especially late Spring, when the flowers bloom and the air is warmed by the sun. I hibernate through the winter, to emerge after the snow is gone and the grass is green again. Spring waits for me by the "kissing gate" and we can carry on our romance. Nice stuff, ~ Geez.