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judyanne
judyanne
Sep 26, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

(Read More...)

early wakeful hours

another night when sleep
is devoured

out of darkness
to coolly caress my cheek
a gentle
spring’s breath flutters
laced with the taste of
bitter-sweet memories

a melancholic melody
a ballad that recalls past simple days
sends soft slow blues
wending to meet my soul
with reflections on what
now seem fiction stories

an alien mass sits
inside my chest
a surreal loss of control
sends pain
that rides burnt waters to my eyes

I raise my glass to empty air
to placid days and evenings that come
no more

and there
between two storms
memory
wish
I am lost
in a world that is
too tired to feign concern
.

— judyanne, Sep 26, 2012

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Critiques

BlueDemon77

BlueDemon77

13 years 8 months ago

Hi Judy!

This is as meticulously crafted as any sestina. I could point out all the incredible technical touches you utilize to weave this magic, but being largely Dionysian/Cthonic, I prefer to swim in the magic of exposed truth. It is the silver string that connects us.
It's an understatement to say that this is a gorgeous, melancholy, epiphany of a write.

Ron

judyanne

judyanne

13 years 8 months ago

as this isn't a sestina, ron,

as this isn't a sestina, ron, i can only imagine that you mean i have captured the emotion of duress the form usually attempts..

if that is what you mean i am grateful for the very supportive comment
- lol if that isn't what you mean please lend me a cloth to wipe the egg off my face :)

thanks ron
love judy
xxx

BlueDemon77

BlueDemon77

13 years 7 months ago

Hi Judy!

No, I wasn't suggesting your poem was a sestina or anything like that. My statement was that your use of style and technique perfectly suited your content in a powerful and unique way. The sestina part came in because to actually do a good poem in the rigid form of a sestina (or worse yet a Paradelle) is a large accomplishment. You've written a beautiful and memorable poem.

Ron

Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

13 years 8 months ago

I raise my glass

to empty air" I like that, its 4 am.
in Oslo and I am totally awake,
I'll raise my glass to you my
judyanne. xx

Ian.T

Ian.T

13 years 8 months ago

Judy

Definitely not a Sestina but a beaut of a piece..
You know, this is where pieces like this should be explained to young poets as the crafting of words and what it is not..Dionysian/Cthonic I can't even relate this piece to that era.
A festival or then being part of the Earth, it just doesn't figure .
Your piece to me is pure emotive words brought to us to show another facet of sleeplessness, you will correct me if I am wrong.
It was what I read in your poem and you have written it beautifully,
Yours as always, Ian.T

judyanne

judyanne

13 years 7 months ago

thanks ian

yes - the melancholy that lives within the early hours of the morning

love judy
xxx

BlueDemon77

BlueDemon77

13 years 7 months ago

pardon the comparison....

My initial comment to Judy was meant to state that she had composed a work containing the amount of craft on the side of expressing clear, recognizable emotion as an equal in craft to writing a good sestina. It was meant as a complement and was obviously not clear enough in initial wording since you and Judy didn't understand what I was saying. That would be my fault for not clearly expressing myself.

At the end, I am relatively open-minded. I guess there must be an old that equals wisdom and an old that just means inert. All I can say is if you think being of a certain age is equal to thinking a certain way then you are skimming the surface far more than I thought.

By the way, Dionysian theory was suggested by Nietzsche in 1876 in THE BIRTH OF TRAGEDY.

Ron

PS Judy, I love the poem very much.

judyanne

judyanne

13 years 7 months ago

thanks again ron

but i did understand what you were saying.... i just queried if that was what you were saying and so very honoured by the compliment if it was...

love judy
xxx