Doomed

Stars strung like Christmas lights
across a midnight sky
Moon looking more like
a child's beach ball
lightening tears a jagged line
fabric torn
then thoughts bleed through
and tumble
to late
they have run amok
misbehaving children
gone wild
no self control
memories flood
doomed

— c lynn brooks, May 15, 2021

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen, Edgar Alan Poe, ray Bradbury, John Grissom, .Alan S Jeeves James patterson,

Critiques

c lynn brooks

5 years ago

Mark

Thank you kind sir

atorn

5 years ago

interesting

I love the Christmas tree lights opening line leading to the closing line "Doomed" creates a wicked journey

c lynn brooks

5 years ago

Andrew

Thank you for the visit and comment

Candlewitch

5 years ago

dear Chrys,

both Steve and & read your poem. he said that it starts out with a happy state of mind and over time spirals down in depression where it bottoms out. I agree. let us know if we are wrong. I also think that this poem needs to be fleshed out a little with more fact and detail.(to make it more clear) you are on to something, here. you have the base for a great poem!

*hugs, Steve and Cat

c lynn brooks

5 years ago

Cat

point is the memories are doomed to stay with and haunt me. No I wouldn't agree it starts out happy and ends depressed. How would you flesh it out, I thought it was complete as a complete thought

Candlewitch

5 years ago

dear Chrys,

on rereading, I find out I am wrong about fleshing it out as it is all that it should be. the opening line makes me think happy thoughts, as Christmas/Yule, is a happy time in our household. the poem is great as it is, but tell me, should I worry?

love ya, Cat
-

atorn

5 years ago

From the opening line to the last

The promise of the opening line that spirals into doom as the work progresses is pure genius I love how the lines draw you in with pretty images and by the end the other shoe drops along with my jaw and I am hooked

c lynn brooks

5 years ago

Adrew

Thank you once again. One poem did all that