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Nov 30, 2025
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DONNY TEN-SKINS
I guess that corruption's okay
in the "rule of law" us of a
where payoffs are king
(if you're bringing the bling)
and cha-ching! when y'pay, y'get flayed!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: ...trying out (abbreviations?) with y' replacing "you" to improve readability. Does it work?
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hello Thomas,
I think it works very well... In this line: (in the "rule of law" us of a) I read the words: in the the rule o' flaw. which works, too. the beginning and the ending are good. What lies between really pisses me off. Because sadly, it is true. How did we end up like this? Thank you for posting this poem. It lets me know that I am not alone.
most sincerely, Cat