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Oct 20, 2019
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Death Of A Broken Planet
DEATH OF A BROKEN PLANET
By ROBERT DAVIDSON
Often it seems like I have betrayed my world
like a rough lover, mauling
bruising his woman in the dark -
leaving marks upon her skin
In my bomb shelter - I perch on the very edge
as greenhouse gases befoul the air
and choke me like traffic fumes.
I watch my planet burn out like the woman I once raped and left to rot
Along my streets the newsboys cry
the old burnt-out world is dead - a stillborn babe
as sick cities fall like crumbling Babylons
My own stumblings are on stony ground
as my planet withers - becomes a barren moonscape
with detonations inevitable as fallout.
Fear crawls like a lizard on my skin
while mushroom clouds maul her torn-apart face
Oh yes, I buried the waste, that
one day will poison my child.
The broken body of my world
lies prostrate like my wife when beaten by her husband -
Such was the surrender I wanted
But she will not be mine to rob and rape again
for my broken planet dies - Guernica, Hiroshima, Chernobyl
Her womb becomes my tomb.
Copyright 2019 robertdavidson, All rights reserved.
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About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rottiestyl
6 years ago
Robert
How are you?
I am very impressed with this poem. It is raw. To use the beaten, raped women as a metaphor for what is happening to our planet is in my opinion, hard to see, to hear but right on the head. Have to now these days, tell this with such powerful visions to get thru to anyone.
I see no changes here. I always try to pick an interesting title for my writing. Nothing wrong with yours, only my personal opinion would be to title it from your line: For My Broken Planet Dies.
I found people love reading the title within the piece. I don’t do it all the time but with a hard hitter read like this? I would.
That’s it, perfect piece!
Geezer
6 years ago
I think...
that I would change the ownership of this piece; instead of [I], make it [we]. Of course, that means changing the other words that connect with the ownership, to our and etc. But I think it would be well worth it. Yes, raw and rough, but good. Just suggestions and yours to use or disregard. ~ Geezer.
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