In The Dark

With the death of the day came the night
And all its singing
Its dancing bare branches
The dark reaching for us from all around;
The night birds called your name
And I knew you were real.

When the clouds left us behind
The sky opened up and poured out the stars
And it filled up the holes in our chests
Until I was afraid my heart would burst
And you thought this was a dream
It was all so surreal.

While I may well be damned
I don’t mind being dragged to hell;
I was getting kind of cold anyway
With all their stares and shoulders near freezing
And the secrets buried deep in a hot, hot smile
Across the table over a lecture
And from a different world.

— emogothgirl, Mar 29, 2012

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: somewhere in the middle of the mountains, USA

Favorite Poets: life.

Critiques

scribbler

14 years 3 months ago

hello

very descriptive both in vision and emotion. Got a few things you might mull over :
L-1 delete the second "the"
L-4 try groping instead of reaching (one gropes around in the dark......Not THAT type groping lol)
L-9 try emptiness instead of holes
L-99 tell scribbler to kiss off.....................stan

Eduardo Cruz

14 years 3 months ago

girl

this is pretty good, but I had to read it twice.
the lines that got my eyes which I find to be good poetry are these:

"While I may well be damned
I don’t mind being dragged to hell;
I was getting kind of cold anyway"
(it was kind of cold here anyway)
great poetic thought. thanks for sharing.

Eddie

loved

14 years 3 months ago

By now we have thoroughly explored

.....''''I don’t mind being dragged to hell;....''''
By now we have thoroughly explored
the entire universe
young girl
and have come to a conclusion
that
there are no angels
no heaven
no hell
all is on the mother earth
so well
this not only I
but you also
can tell.
Oh! hell!

emogothgirl

14 years 3 months ago

you guys

thanks for checking out the latest; i will definitely take into consideration wht you've suggested and said.
thanks,
mag

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