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Dancing With The Wind (a prosey poem)
there are places...
I see myself in blue jean over-alls and shirt in the side yard on our large plot of land. Red white and blue kite in hand, running until the wind takes it. With our darling cat, Gonzo at my side. I swear he was a human in cat's clothing. He seemed to understand everything... The kite, an ambassador of held hopes, flying high above us! As you captured us with your camera...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: For Steven and Gonzo
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem employs a prosey, narrative style, blurring the boundaries between poetry and memoir. The opening phrase, “there are places...,” establishes a reflective, nostalgic tone, inviting the reader into a memory space. The imagery is concrete and grounded in specific detail: blue jean overalls, a red, white, and blue kite, a cat named Gonzo. These details create a sense of authenticity and intimacy.
The poem’s syntax is loose and conversational, which suits the prosey approach but occasionally undermines rhythmic tension. The ellipsis in the opening line and the use of fragments (“Red white and blue kite in hand, running until the wind takes it. With our darling cat, Gonzo at my side.”) contribute to a sense of immediacy, but also risk flattening the poem’s musicality. The phrase “an ambassador of held hopes” is a striking metaphor, elevating the kite from a mere object to a symbol of aspiration or longing.
There is a subtle layering of perspective: the speaker is both participant and observer, recalling being photographed, which adds a meta-reflective dimension. The mention of Gonzo as “a human in cat’s clothing” introduces gentle humor and anthropomorphism, deepening the emotional resonance of the memory.
The poem could benefit from greater attention to lineation or intentional enjambment, even within the prosey format, to heighten tension and pace. The closing line, “As you captured us with your camera...,” gestures toward an absent “you,” introducing a note of longing or loss, but the ellipsis leaves the thought unresolved. This ambiguity can be effective, but it may also leave the reader wanting more closure or specificity.
Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its specificity of memory and its gentle, evocative tone. Further development of rhythm and structure could enhance its impact.
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Geezer
4 months 3 weeks ago
I'm thinking...
of not so much as an absent "you" but the hesitancy comes from thinking of an activity no longer to be considered; not possible. Like a little hike along the R.R. tracks with a dog, relishing the bay of a little Beagle. Thanks for sharing, ~ Geez.
..
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
dear Geez
and thank you, for the gift of your memory. I, too walked along the tracks with a dog. A greyhound- German Shepard mix and my favorite dog ever! thank you for the recovery of that memory.
love yas, Cat
Geezer
4 months 3 weeks ago
I also...
had a Belgian Shepard/Black Lab mix, named Rugby who followed his father's side without much trace of the mother's Labrador genes. You have read my poem about him; it might even be the very first poem I ever posted here. Anyway, I'm glad to have evoked such sweet memories. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Geez,
I remember Your poem about Rugby....excellent! those relationships are of Gold!
much love, Cat
Lavender
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dancing With The Wind
Hello, Cat,
A delightful memory. Playful, such a freeing piece.
Thank you!
Lx
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Lavender,
We had many treasured times with Gonzo.He was such an old soul... a cat of wisdom. Steven loved him almost as much as I did. or maybe it was just different for him.... At any rare...Gonzo was a very loved(furry person) Cat.
Is it too snoopy of me to inquire as to your *pet, situation?
Last night there was a shift in our house. Steven's Cat Phoenix really opened up to me...She came into my bedroom three times and snuggled with me. This is new! So I feel blessed this morning, too!
love, Cat xxx
Lavender
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hi, Cat,
I've had cats, dogs, birds, guinea pigs and fish. I don't have any right now, but really enjoy my children's and grandchildren's fur babies. I understand the breakthrough feeling - cats love you on their terms, and when they show affection to you, it's pretty special.
Lxx
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Lady L.
I am glad you still find enjoyment in a pet's love. even if indirectly. I love and respect all animals. I would love to have another dog and take part in their "soul gaze", but I could not properly care for one. maybe I will have and adore another cat someday. Here is to hoping...
much love, Cat