The cursed heart

My sun rises
My Moon falls
Hollow hearts cannot

The seas rock
The Sky sores
Trapped by my ores lock

Trapped by unforgivable light
No reflector for my sender
Everlasting light yet eternal blender

Forever in-sequence
Thy rusts stainless cords
Polar love the moon and the sun

The never-ending seas
Thy un-graspable heart
Denial shall blood flow

I a shady sight
You the sketchy sky
The everlasting cords
Shall never lie

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: SA

Comments

Ray Whitaker

3 years 12 months ago

Rhyming pattern

While I do like this piece, especially the portrayal of push the limits of entrapment…. I think there is more than one piece here. To me, there’s a lot to say about the “other” one in the relationship. Then there’s the trap. I would also have the rhyme complete in the same stanza.

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Basically Deep

3 years 11 months ago

Thanks for the Advice! I'll

Thanks for the Advice! I'll take this into consideration for future pieces!

Gracy

3 years 12 months ago

Interesting poem. I also

Interesting poem. I also think it needs some modifications. It's as if it still needs filling out and perhaps some more imagery. Looking forward to more of your poems. Gracy