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judyanne
judyanne
May 16, 2015 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the workshop:

An Exploration of Style, Subject, and Critique

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Couch 2 - a sonnet (an exploration of style subject and critique WS)

Of all the seats invented, one persists.
'Twould be the one for which most all would vouch,
and say a greater comfort can't exist
than when one's resting on one's favourite couch.

With stays and cushions sprung in interplay,
a range of shapes to fit, so every station
could then recline and while away the day
in clever, contemplative conversation.

A travesty - we all did something dumb.
We placed a television set too near.
Invention spoilt the sofas' savvy hum,
and now potatoes sit on them, I hear.

With everything ignored, except the screen,
intelligence is now in quarantine.
.

— judyanne, May 16, 2015

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Critiques

Rula

Rula

11 years ago

hello Judy

This is an enjoyable funny read. I can't fault the structure but in Stanza 1 line 4. "....resting on one's. ....."

I like the turning point (the volta) in line 9 as well as the couplet where most of the fun lie.
Hope others will come soon with more comments.

judyanne

judyanne

11 years ago

thank you Rula

I'm glad you enjoyed this
As for that verse... I think it works ok... I'll see if anyone else thinks it out....
Love judy
xxx

wesley snow

wesley snow

11 years ago

Here I be.

This is just plain fun.
The catalectics worked and did not distract from the rhythm, though they were quite noticeable to me.
Personally, I think the advent of the television completed a pair. One without the other is so 19th century.

Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

11 years ago

This is a good read

I am having trouble with line 2:

"'Twould be the one for which most all would vouch,"

The syllable count and stress pattern is good, but I am having problems with the flow.

judyanne

judyanne

10 years 12 months ago

yes, I agree

'twould BE the ONE for WHICH MOST ALL would VOUCH
Or
'TWOULD be the ONE ...
-either way is off I know, but I'll claim poetic license since you did say off the cuff required... and I can't figure another way to say it atm
Thanks Jonathan
Love judy
xxx