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Jun 28, 2023
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Cocaine
I read about this man who could spot supernovas
Faster than any computer
He was a priest in Australia
A trestle table, black sheet, a salt shaker
He was sought out as an adviser by nasa
His day job was as a preacher
And at night he watched the death of giant stars
Picking them out like incorrect grammar
As if nothing could be easier
My black skirt in a cubicle
Scattered with flecks of white powder
Throwing lines away like they don’t matter
When there’s enough left over
— E E Kenny, Jun 28, 2023
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a striking juxtaposition between the cosmic and the mundane, weaving together themes of observation, expertise, and perhaps addiction or escapism. The figure of the priest who can identify supernovas faster than any computer is compelling, blending the spiritual and scientific realms. This character’s dual roles—as preacher by day and stargazer by night—create a layered portrait that invites reflection on the nature of knowledge and belief.
The imagery shifts from the vastness of space to the intimate, somewhat unsettling scene of the speaker in a cubicle with “flecks of white powder.” This transition is abrupt but effective, grounding the poem in a gritty reality that contrasts with the earlier cosmic scale. The metaphor of “throwing lines away like they don’t matter” is ambiguous and provocative, suggesting carelessness or detachment.
To strengthen the poem, consider clarifying the relationship between the two parts. Is the speaker connected to the priest’s story, or is this a parallel reflection? The poem’s emotional core could be deepened by exploring the speaker’s feelings or motivations more explicitly. Additionally, some lines could benefit from tighter punctuation or line breaks to enhance rhythm and clarity—for example, the line “Faster than any computer” might be more impactful with a comma or pause.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its contrasts and the evocative images it conjures. Refining the connections between its elements and sharpening its language could make its themes resonate more powerfully.
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