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Citizens Bank checking account...
electronically looted, pilferred,
sabotaged, et cetera...yet again
for the umteenth time
courtesy banker or employee
of Capital One the culprit
finding me strategizing in my den
of thieving magpies chiefly Rossini
actually our's (the missus and me),
primped and prodded himself
when out stage door left
here comes the rooster
who doth doodle
with his cocksure attitude
while when in her siesta the hen
dreaming, envisioning, frightening
nightmares videlicet harried lifestyles
of the rich and famous
while yours truly swiftly tailored
courtesy his own brand
of mailer daemons
subjecting me sadomasochistically
as if being inflicted
with blackened barbs
in jest this husband
for nearly thirty years
as her once adulterous Ken,
who still aspires for platonic relationship
with a liberal minded
nonestablishmentarian, proletarian
pennsylvanian, and Unitarian
writer wannabe, who whiz openly
receptive to a gal who exhibits
a rendering that represents
the ultimate moral standard of altruism,
empathy, and treating others
with kindness within the human community
often translated as "humaneness,"
"benevolence," or "co-humanity"
of the foundational virtue
wherein Chinese philosophy, Ren (仁)
meaning "humaneness"
or "benevolence"
eluding discovery within suburban
enclave, yet quiet enough
to experience ambient zen,
a minimalist aesthetic,
state of mind, or soundscape
designed to evoke peace,
clarity, and deep relaxation
essentially a school
of Mahayana Buddhism
that emphasizes direct,
intuitive enlightenment through meditation
to escape being preyed upon
which finds me breathlessly
uttering Jesus effing Christ
I feel in the cross hairs and targeted
cuz time and again
yours truly id est me
feels persecuted and crucified
dear almighty creator stop the world,
cuz next stop
I wanna and gonna get off
at Willoughby,
the little town time forgot
and the years could not improve
located within the outer limits
of the twilight zone,
where dark shadows forbidden
to affect pitch perfect Utopia,
an endless string of days
where ideal spring weather predominates
analogous to soundcloud machine
churning out massless globular renditions
rendering imagine aery dragons
frolicking in the autumn mist
with good ole Puff the magic dragon
blanketing the heavenly vault
casting vaporous figments
cue - kids television cartoons,
where enemies of major protagonistic
with futility attempt
employing violent character assassination
creators dreamt up since...
time immemorial soon after
age of television as novelty aired,
where teaser and the firecat meowed
after morning hath broken
showing and telling
fictional favorite episodes,
whereat figments of winning hits
live opulently in their own Nirvana,
where swell looking groundsward
case in point likened
to where Teletubbies live
within the make believe world
of fictional, grassy land
called Teletubbyland,
their main shelter an earth house
named the "Tubbytronic Superdome,"
totally immune to lawlessness run amuck
within the real webbed wide world
another case in point showing
the maddening shenanigans
such as experiencing
at the unpleasant
receiving end of bank fraud
cyber derelicts fatally impacted me
time and again
since the beginning of time,
where the forebears
of yours truly
lionized in tandem
with tagline of Tony the Tiger
(the owner of these hands
belonging to... Yes,
an Owner of a Lonely Heart )
unlike a bajillion years ago,
where rudimentary cingular
cellular life forms
totally oblivious to the burst
of disrupting peaceful
easy going feeling
countless millenniums later
to hear updated Katy Perry roar
(in imitation of iconic voice
originally created by
American bass singer and actor
Thurl Ravenscroft
prompting commercial pitch animal)
about Kellogg's sugar
Frosted Flakes "They're Gr-r-reat!"
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
4 days 23 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a sprawling, stream-of-consciousness narrative that intertwines personal grievance, cultural references, and philosophical musings. The voice is candid and raw, conveying frustration with financial institutions and a sense of being victimized repeatedly. The poem’s strength lies in its vivid imagery and the way it juxtaposes the mundane (bank fraud, everyday frustrations) with lofty ideals (Ren, Mahayana Buddhism, utopian visions).
However, the poem’s sprawling structure and dense allusions can make it challenging to follow. The shifts between topics—from the personal to the philosophical to pop culture—sometimes feel abrupt, which may disrupt the reader’s engagement. Consider tightening the poem’s focus by clarifying the central narrative or emotional arc. For example, honing in on the experience of financial betrayal and its psychological impact could provide a stronger throughline.
The use of classical and cultural references (Rossini, Ren, Teletubbies, Puff the Magic Dragon) adds layers of meaning but might benefit from more explicit connections to the poem’s core themes. Some phrases and lines, such as “mailer daemons” and “blackened barbs,” are evocative but could be expanded or contextualized to enhance their resonance.
The poem’s tone fluctuates between sardonic humor, bitterness, and philosophical reflection. This complexity is intriguing but could be balanced more deliberately to guide the reader’s emotional response. Experimenting with varied line breaks or stanza divisions might also improve pacing and readability.
In summary, the poem’s ambition and rich imagery are notable, but focusing its thematic scope and refining its structure would strengthen its impact and accessibility.
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