Changes

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the theme of transformation through a personal encounter with a storm while in a small boat. The narrative arc is clear: a peaceful morning gives way to a dramatic weather shift, which in turn prompts an emotional and possibly spiritual catharsis.

The poem’s strengths include its evocative imagery (“fluffy white clouds turning shades of gray,” “sheets of rain come crying,” “fingers of lightning strikes hitting the water”) and its attempt to parallel external change with internal transformation. The use of the skiff as a setting is effective, placing the speaker in a vulnerable, isolated position that heightens the impact of the storm.

There are, however, several areas where the poem could be strengthened:

1. Consistency of Tone and Diction: The poem shifts between conversational and more elevated language (“like a thunder-struck-duck forgetting all I know” vs. “palpable scene,” “natures all benevolent healing”). The colloquial simile of the “thunder-struck-duck” is jarring compared to the otherwise lyrical tone. Consider whether this contrast is intentional, and if not, decide which register best serves the poem’s aims.

2. Syntax and Clarity: Some lines are syntactically awkward or contain grammatical errors that hinder clarity. For example, “it does not occur to me to get return to the pier” is confusing; “get return” is likely a typo or a conflation of phrases. Similarly, “I, alone brave her ire which stirs the palpable scene” would be clearer with punctuation or rephrasing (“I alone brave her ire, which stirs the palpable scene”).

3. Imagery and Cliché: The poem occasionally relies on familiar phrases (“sheets of rain,” “palpable scene,” “power and beauty”) that could be made more original. The final line, “I reap the raging wind and all of its ‘tells’ revealing!” is ambitious but somewhat unclear; “tells” is a term from poker, and its metaphorical use here is not fully developed.

4. Line Breaks and Rhythm: The poem’s line breaks are sometimes arbitrary, which affects the pacing and emphasis. For instance, “absorbing the vibrations, I too, break down and weep...” could be broken for greater impact. Consider reading the poem aloud to identify where natural pauses occur.

5. Thematic Development: The poem gestures toward a healing or redemptive experience (“feeling my damaged soul mend,” “joining with the purity of natures all benevolent healing”), but the emotional journey could be deepened. What specifically is being healed? How does the storm’s violence lead to restoration? More concrete detail about the speaker’s internal state would strengthen the connection between the external and internal changes.

6. Mechanics: There are some typographical and grammatical issues throughout (missing apostrophes, inconsistent capitalization, “natures” should be “nature’s,” “elements” should be “element’s” or “elements’” depending on intent). Careful proofreading would improve the poem’s polish.

Overall, the poem presents a compelling scenario and a clear emotional arc. Greater attention to diction, syntax, and specificity would help realize its full potential.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Loved the poem, especiall this stanza:

"Reaching out with my mind, knowing the power of thought
joining with the purity of natures all benevolent healing
witnessing the power and beauty of this raw elements drive
I reap the raging wind and all of its "tells" revealing!"

Sometimes the change is so remarkable, that we can't stop wondering where it is going or where it will end; and so, forget that we are involved. I see that here. Nicely done, glad to hear that you are still working on this. ~ Geez.
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when you use compound lines, you should try to keep a medium beat. The longer the line, the more chances of using a word that attracts more attention by having too many syllables. Once you disrupt the flow, the reader has to go over it in their mind to see what you mean. I love what I see you going for here. Maybe think of ways to use the main word in the line more effectively, rather than adding more syllables. Anyway, if anything that I've said or written here, is of some value; I am glad. Big hugs, and love, ~ Geez.

Sitting in my little red skiff,
mid-morning enjoyably passed into day.
slowly I came upon the distant view
snow-white clouds, turning shades of gray

Vistas morphing to massed discontent,
on the horizon a gloom slowly creeps.
Distant sheets of rain come crying
and with vibrations, I break down and weep

Electric fingers stir the storm waters
cloud to ground strikes adding light show.
I forget to return to safe haven,
Indeed, I forget what I know.

This was great! I enjoyed the vivid images your words created. You pour your deepest emotions into your writing and it resonates. Well done! 

I see your life in this poem. You have never been a coward, facing and embracing what is thrown at you, making it a part of you and growing as a result.  This poem is you!  It's one of the things I've always loved best about you.