Changes

The pleasure boats of promise sail away.
An avalanche of friends; don't want to stay.

From high stepping love, the wounded heal.
Hands locked together praying all they feel.

Babes finalize a fond, farewell salute.
Kisses sadly blown like Krishna’s flute.

All for love I guess, they graciously
give more than get, pretending that it’s free.

Keep winter warm with summer’s dog-eared map.
Heat the hearth with twigs that burn and snap.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Dylan Thomas, T.S Eliot, Stevie Smith, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Marvell, Herbert, Gerald Manley Hopkins, Rilke, Holderlin, Baudelaire, Verlaine, Rimbaud, Valery, Gregory Corso, Alan Ginsberg, Phillip Larkin, Elizabeth Bishop, Wordsworth, Shelley, Keats, Yeats, Ferlinghetti, Tony Hoagland, Ezra Pound, Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Browning, Petra Whiteley, Blake, Thomas Hardy, Syvia Plath, Pablo Naruda, Lorca, Cole Porter, A.E Cummings, Walt whitman, Tennyson, Shelley, Byron, Coleridge, Les Murray, Gig Ryan, Edward Dorn, Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Seamus Heaney.

Comments

scribbler

12 years 11 months ago

Hi

I like the rhyming couplet form and enjoyed this very much. For some reason I keep wanting last line to say something like heat the hearth with twigs that burn and snap. Seems more natural but maybe its only me...........stan

Ross Hamilton Hill

12 years 11 months ago

great minds think alike

I tried various last lines, the one you suggested was one of them, shall edit it in. thanks for your comment.

I thought this poem had slipped under the radar as no one else has said anything.

Seren

12 years 11 months ago

Changes

I felt this poem to my core its not very long but it conveys all that it needs to

I cant find anything to suggest, I liked Stans suggestion on the last line

it gives it more pop :) kudos

love JC xxx

Ross Hamilton Hill

12 years 11 months ago

hi

I tinkered with this one too much, I read somewhere a poet saying you shouldn't work on a poem after the mood that inspired it has left, atleast not to add to it (editing is ok) I think that's true.

Seren

12 years 11 months ago

I believe your correct, I

I believe your correct, I have tried to add to poems after the mood has waned it just doesnt come together for me, editing as you said is a whole other matter

hugs JC x