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Aug 10, 2026
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central mass disarray
ask about anomalies—
an amnesic adolescent advances among
blogs.
buddies anonymously agreed:
a bewitched abode—
cursed.
confusion continued—
as bathroom actually became a closet,
cupboards contained copper coins,
between a couch concealed a charger—
did a criminal crash? camouflaged & despicable?
ask about anomalies again—
arrives an asian braving atomical annihilation
asking besides an altar’s crimson candle, darkened but determined.
but,
emptiness—an adolescent’s
fond friend.
father affirms—eat breakfast and dinner, drink between—
amnesiac for anemic frequently finding: “forget
ghosts, child’s body already collapses before finding an answer”
geez,
health is answer.
i consult doctor—i
ask about anomalies—
an american boy is examined
5 points.
A. brain
B. ghosts
C. all above
fifty/fifty chance, i choose A.
correct!
correct…
joined: 4/15/14
k, i’m doing it.
“guys, i have brain cancer.”
last logged-in: 5/14/15
— Nathann, Aug 10, 2026
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Draft
Critiques
neopoet
5 days 21 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's structural conceit is its strongest asset: the abecedarian progression paired with the forum-style timestamps and multiple-choice quiz creates a genuinely unsettling tonal range, moving from domestic strangeness through clinical detachment to the blunt forum post at the close. The final two lines land hard precisely because of how much tonal distance has been covered to reach them, and the bathos of "k, i'm doing it" followed by the diagnosis earns its emotional weight without sentimentality.
The middle section, particularly the alliterative cataloguing, risks wearing out its welcome before the poem needs the reader's attention most. The lines "cupboards contained copper coins / between a couch concealed a charger" are technically accomplished but feel like filler ornamentation rather than detail in service of the speaker's interior. The poem might serve itself better by letting a few of those lines carry more specific strangeness, something that feels less like a phonics exercise and more like a clue to the particular texture of this amnesia. The phrase "atomical annihilation" similarly feels chosen for its sonic fit rather than its meaning, which slightly undercuts what is otherwise a poem that earns its weirdness honestly.
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Nathann
5 days 22 hours ago
Why is an AI feedback giver…
Why is an AI feedback giver necessary for this kinda website bruhhh
Tink
5 days 16 hours ago
Howdy! I'm Tink
Welcome to Neopoet!!
Thank you for posting your first poem with us. I found it interesting. Different.
You can always opt out of the AI review/critique if you want to. I can help with that if you need.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Please reach out if you have any questions or need help navigating through Neopoet. You can usually find me in the chatroom. We just launched our themed chatrooms, Geezer is hosting a room on Saturday nights, Myself on Friday nights and BlueSkies on Monday nights. You can find them on the calendar events. Hope you can visit!! We would love to have you join us!!
Live, Love, Laugh
(and don't forget to Write!!)
Yours in Ink,
Tink
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