Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Apr 27, 2023
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
The Calling.
Do you hear the scratching tapping?
That keeps you awake
when you are napping?
Do you hear the rain?
The wind howling,
it calls my name
from far away
to carry me out to sea.
Do you hear it?
Can you switch it off?
Then you are lucky!
For I can not
When I was younger
just a child
naive innocent mannered mild.
I could fly
Way up high
Above the buildings in the sky!
When I flew I saw many things
Of people past and what future brings.
But now I'm tethered earthly bound
with both feet stuck upon the ground.
Scratching tapping doors unlocking,
whispering voices crowded flocking.
Searching reaching
trying to find
a way to reach
my troubled mind.
Then they take on cryptic meaning
a message or story while I'm dreaming.
So I listen closely to what they say
and look for signs along the way.
Do you hear the scratching tapping?
Whispering voices
and doors unlocking.
DO you switch off or find it shocking?
I wish I could
I really do
But think that I have work to do.
— Sarah Shaw, Apr 27, 2023
Share this poem
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores a compelling internal struggle between the desire for peace and the persistent pull of an unseen calling. The recurring motif of "scratching tapping" and "whispering voices" effectively conveys a sense of restless disturbance, which contrasts with the earlier freedom and innocence described in the speaker's youth.
Strengths: - The repetition of questions ("Do you hear it?", "Can you switch it off?") creates an engaging rhythm and invites the reader to share in the speaker’s experience. - The imagery of flying "way up high / Above the buildings in the sky" juxtaposed with being "tethered earthly bound" powerfully symbolizes the loss of innocence and freedom. - The poem’s progression from childhood to adulthood is clear and relatable, grounding the abstract sensations in a personal narrative.
Areas for improvement: - Consider refining the poem’s structure to enhance readability and impact. The lines vary in length and rhythm, which sometimes disrupts the flow. For example, breaking the poem into stanzas could help organize the shifts between themes (childhood, present struggle, and reflection). - Some lines could benefit from more precise language or stronger imagery. For instance, phrases like "doors unlocking" and "whispering voices crowded flocking" are evocative but could be more vivid or specific to deepen the emotional resonance. - The capitalization inconsistency in "DO you switch off" stands out and may distract readers; deliberate use of capitalization can be effective but should be consistent or clearly purposeful. - The final lines express a sense of duty ("I have work to do") that could be expanded upon to clarify what this work entails, adding depth to the poem’s conclusion.
Overall, the poem captures a haunting internal dialogue with potential for greater emotional clarity and structural polish. Experimenting with stanza breaks and more concrete imagery may strengthen the reader’s connection to the speaker’s experience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.