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May 23, 2026
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Cabbage and Beans
Oh, cabbage and beans, I can't afford rent
I just can't believe how my paycheck was spent
It's not like I'm living so high on the hog
In fact, every day's a perpetual slog
I'm sure it was planned to weaken my place
to neuter my pride, my personal space
he proffers no praise, no hope, I feel small
It's maddening as hell! what insolent gall!
I'm pinching my pennies, I'm selling my blood
I'm diving in dumpsters for half rotten spuds
...then I look at the pics of the ballroom he's planned
It warms up my cockles and opens my hand
I find it inspiring how they're all getting rich
While I sit here farting from hunger and bitch
...and you might think it strange that I can't let it go
But deep down, I'm quite a maga-nificent hoe
So raise up a cheek and squeeze out a shout
And praised be my trump, the malodorous lout
— Triskelion, May 23, 2026
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: "maga-nificent" might be a new word. I wonder if it'll catch on...any critique/ suggestions are welcome, of course (except from that automatic clank) Cheers!
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures a raw, candid voice expressing frustration with financial hardship and social inequality. The conversational tone and rhyme scheme create a rhythm that propels the poem forward, giving it a sense of urgency and emotional immediacy.
Strengths: - The rhyme scheme is consistent and helps maintain momentum. - The poem uses humor and irony effectively, especially in lines like “I find it inspiring how they're all getting rich / While I sit here farting from hunger and bitch,” which juxtaposes the speaker’s struggles with others’ success. - The colloquial language and slang ("maga-nificent hoe," "praise be my 'trump'") give the poem a distinctive personality and voice.
Areas for improvement: 1. Clarity and coherence: Some lines feel abrupt or disjointed, such as “It warms up my cockles and opens my hand.” The phrase “opens my hand” is ambiguous—does it mean generosity, acceptance, or something else? Clarifying this image could strengthen the emotional impact. 2. Tone balance: The poem oscillates between humor, bitterness, and sarcasm. While this can be effective, consider whether the shifts feel intentional or if smoothing transitions might enhance the reader’s engagement. 3. Imagery and metaphor: The poem relies heavily on direct statements of feeling and situation. Introducing more vivid, concrete imagery or metaphor could deepen the reader’s connection and add layers of meaning. 4. Title relevance: “Cabbage and Beans” suggests basic sustenance or poverty, which fits the theme, but the poem could more explicitly connect this image to the speaker’s experience—perhaps by expanding on the significance of these foods or what they symbolize.
Overall, the poem has a strong voice and emotional core. Focusing on clarifying ambiguous lines and enriching imagery could elevate its impact.
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Obadiah Grey
1 month 3 weeks ago
Meant to be sung three…
Meant to be sung three minutes before calling time, whilst three sheets to the wind, after three treble whiskeys downed by three "quizzical Micks"....
Nice one brother.
Obi.
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