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Leslie
Leslie
May 16, 2026 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Blue Skies!

When the shadows of night

creep upon us,

we look for a blue sunny day!

 

Come tomorrow we may

find an avenue, to 

pass the dole  drums away!

 

When you arrive at the age

of the elderly,

there's nothing to stand in your way.

 

You know we have choices 

to make, and mine 

is to not fade into gray!

 

I'll leave this existence,

with honor, I won't

take my life I just can't.

 

If I could leap into

the twilight zone,

my heart is pounding on the door!

 

My soul is filled,

with abandonment,

but I know how to take it in stride.

 

I've been alone in my mind

for so many years that

I have no idea how to get home.

— Leslie, May 16, 2026

About This Poem

Last Few Words: If you understand fragility then maybe you can understand my mind, broken and torn from beginning to end, we all have an endless climb. Until we're lost on some dark moon or planet ,looking back at the refuse left behind. Wondering how our path began, and the choices we made, just to survive!

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

2 weeks 5 days ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores themes of aging, resilience, and the search for hope amid loneliness. The imagery of "blue sunny day" and "twilight zone" effectively contrasts light and darkness, symbolizing optimism and uncertainty.

To strengthen the poem’s impact, consider refining the rhythm and line breaks for smoother flow. Some lines feel uneven in length and cadence, which can disrupt the reader’s engagement. For example, the transition between "I'll leave this existence," and "with honor, I won't / take my life I just can't" might benefit from clearer punctuation or restructuring to clarify the speaker’s resolve.

The phrase "pass the dole drums away" is intriguing but somewhat obscure. Clarifying or rephrasing it could help readers connect more deeply with the intended meaning.

Additionally, the poem’s emotional progression could be enhanced by varying the language to avoid repetition—such as the use of "alone" and "abandonment"—and by expanding on the speaker’s inner journey to provide a stronger narrative arc.

Overall, focusing on consistent meter, clearer imagery, and emotional development will help convey the poem’s themes more powerfully.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.