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Sep 12, 2025
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THE BLOOMING WATER
The heartache
The tears falls
Wandering around
Seeking for comfort
Untill the waters breath,
bloom, bloom, bloom.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 weeks 5 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of emotional pain and the search for solace, culminating in a hopeful image of renewal. The progression from heartache and tears to the waters blooming suggests a transformation from sorrow to healing.
To enhance the poem’s impact, consider the following:
1. **Grammar and Word Choice:** The phrase "The tears falls" should be corrected to "The tears fall" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Similarly, "Seeking for comfort" would be more concise as "Seeking comfort." The word "Untill" is misspelled; the correct spelling is "Until."
2. **Imagery and Clarity:** The line "Until the waters breath" is intriguing but somewhat ambiguous. Clarifying what "waters breath" means could strengthen the imagery. Is it the water itself breathing, or is it a metaphor for renewal or life? Perhaps rephrasing to "Until the waters breathe" (with the plural verb) or expanding the metaphor could help.
3. **Rhythm and Flow:** The poem’s rhythm is uneven, partly due to line length and punctuation. Introducing punctuation or adjusting line breaks might create a more deliberate cadence. For example, consider whether "bloom, bloom, bloom" is best as a separate line or integrated differently to emphasize the transformation.
4. **Emotional Arc:** The poem moves from pain to blooming, but the transition feels abrupt. Adding a line or two to bridge the emotional shift might deepen the reader’s engagement with the transformation.
Overall, refining grammar and expanding the imagery could make the poem’s message clearer and more resonant.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 weeks 3 days ago
I am...
in agreement with everything that the A.I. has said.
After saying that, I understand the need for simplicity in this piece, but think that it could be added to, in order to let the reader know the direction of this poem. Whether through additional lines or the adding to the original ones, this could be helpful.
I get the significance of the "blooming water" and the title is great.
~ Geezer.
.