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Mar 28, 2011
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BLEEDING
Once forever then
no more, re-evaluating
what came before.
Time in years
a distant contract
with mortality, static
possibilities still vivid
within passing seasons.
Captured too far along to
be enraptured a legacy that
begs to be beyond the etchings
that mark a spot, a demise not
where this flesh was begot.
My seed the bleeding of this being
the probabilities of the ever after
without conceding.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lou
15 years ago
Zigs
I know I read this one, but I wanted to read it again, great stuff.
Love Louise xxxx
lou
15 years ago
Zigs
I can't spot typos as im the typo queen LOL !!!!
love Louise xx
ziggy
15 years ago
hi louise
thanks for your input on this one
no worries on the typos this is a workshop
chat soon ,,,,,,,,zigs
Hooded Stranger
15 years ago
Zigs
Zigs,
a couple of typos:
Re evaluating = revaluating (I think)
Possibilty's = Possibilities
This one runs with a fast flow and leaves you breathless. Again, I bow to your non-grammar, which allows lines to run into others with such ease.
All in all, fast, imagery-packed piece of magic!
HS
ziggy
15 years ago
hi hood
hey there ,I am taking your second correction cheers
not a gram of grammar lol, that said every word becomes
even more important ,, cheers hood ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
Hooded Stranger
15 years ago
Zigs
Zigs,
'Probabilitys in the last stanza should be:
probabilities.
regards,
HS
ziggy
15 years ago
o
big red face ,oops ,,cheers
ziggy
15 years ago
hi there
hey cheers for the kind words
I can only but try lol, that line
was one of those that came from
seemingly no where ,,,,,,,,,cheers ,,,,,,,,,zigs
CCfire
15 years ago
I do like the almost
I do like the almost ambiguous feel of this until you bring yourself into it toward the end, the touch of abstract emotions and image in this is strong. I would prefer no 'ing' word ending and I would use 'surrender' but it's a personal thing. This is great freeform.
ziggy
15 years ago
hi there
the ending as it is was the focus for this write
I like most have my own style of writing, I am glad you
like this one, I do strive to be a little different lol cheers ,,,,,,,,,zigs
Candlewitch
15 years ago
Dear Bro,
All your striving has labored to produce. And what a production it is! Keep on being you.
love, Cat
ziggy
15 years ago
hey cat
hey there cat I hope your feeling better I had no idea till I just read from the comments
LOL yes " all my striving " got there in the end with thanks to the above comments
chat soon sis ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ziggy x