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Aug 30, 2025
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BITTER
Hell's let loose,
And her dark clouds roll over the streets,
Adorning my grief with cold revenge,
I have now become a sinner of justice.
Bitter are the fruits I have eaten,
laced with memories of our together and apart,
When I stopped the world from moving,
To save you the pain of being left behind.
Is it peace when I pour out hail and brimstone,
On the path where we laid flowers and stored treasures?
Is it satisfying when I draw the sword,
On revengeful attempt to make me whole?
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a vivid exploration of inner turmoil and the complex emotions tied to justice, revenge, and loss. The imagery of "Hell's let loose" and "dark clouds" effectively sets a somber, intense tone that permeates the poem. The metaphor of "bitter fruits" as memories is a compelling way to express the lingering pain of past relationships.
One strength is the poem’s use of contrasts—between justice and sin, peace and violence, togetherness and separation—which deepens the emotional complexity. The line "I have now become a sinner of justice" is particularly striking, suggesting a moral ambiguity that invites reflection.
To enhance clarity and impact, consider refining some phrases for smoother rhythm and more precise language. For example, "laced with memories of our together and apart" could be rephrased to clarify the juxtaposition of union and separation, perhaps by specifying what "together and apart" entails. Additionally, the phrase "revengeful attempt to make me whole" might benefit from reworking to sharpen the emotional resonance—does the speaker seek wholeness through revenge, or is revenge a barrier to healing?
The poem’s questions effectively engage the reader but could be balanced with stronger declarative lines to anchor the speaker’s emotional state. This might help in conveying the speaker’s internal conflict more powerfully.
Overall, the poem offers a poignant meditation on pain and the paradoxes of justice and revenge. With some tightening of language and rhythm, its emotional depth and thematic complexity can be further amplified.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month ago
Yes...
I fully agree with the A.I.s interpretation of this piece to describe the theme in a clearer light.
To enhance clarity and impact, consider refining some phrases for smoother rhythm and more precise language. For example, "laced with memories of our together and apart" could be rephrased to clarify the juxtaposition of union and separation, perhaps by specifying what "together and apart" entails.
~ Geezer.
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Ray Miller
1 month ago
laced with memories of our…
laced with memories of our together and apart, - I think that's the best line. Quirky but sweet. I've no idea what a sinner of justice might be.