The benefit of a hussy without being married

Hyperbole taken to the mad max
mayhem when necessary
to, poeticize, publicize,
exorcize, criticize, and alphabetize
desecrating, demeaning, dehumanizing,
online behavior by George
toward one run of the mill
on the floss (by the pond)
decent chap and good friend of mine,
who I will defend
to the last gasp of me dying breath
so help me dog
from becoming...what else,
but analogous to melon collie.

Please pardon my French
but some blimey wench accuses me...
(just your average bloke)
of imposing on me her
cruel and unusual punishment
including barbarous treatments,
degrading acts, and punishments
that violate society's
"evolving standards of decency"
for denying said lass
supposed inheritance money
north of a million dollars,
cuz I did not give shy stir lawyer
user name and password
of my Citizens Bank account
after NOT stopping myself short
texting unnamed young lady in question
the financial banking address
I entrust hard earned money
courtesy social security benefits,
banking institutional name,
routing number,
user name to log into said website,
and last but not least
set of keys to the safe-box
kept secretly hidden
within squalid residence
I live the wife and
small number of rug rats
that scatter across matted rug,
when yours truly or the wife
gets mad as a raging red bull
in a China shop.

No star studded name mentioned,
but a gal whose name
partially redacted to protect
the broad innocent
well mannered baby boomer
(let me hear you chortle),
I kid you not dear reader
none other than the beloved
chillingly, fiery, yet
icily C******te Johnson
(perhaps mate, ye been a lucky soul
to experience such pleasantries),
who lavishes the recipient
saith my Puritanical presumption
respectable reprobate husband
to a loving wife,
who just delivered to me
a super bowl to her “bad bunny”
invariable the sassy tart
would gleefully have targeted,
who counted his blessings
unlike untold unfortunate
older boyish looking lads
neutered, unsuspectedly, and unwittingly
only the most awful, baneful,
colorful, disdainful, fearful, et cetera
gift to gratify her penchant
to hurl blackened barbs
tipped with killer toxicity
glad to be free of the bitch,
though we never met,
she treated me
as if we happened
to be a long established dynamic duo
where the madding crowd parted
(think Charlton Heston
playing Moses in the1956 epic film,
which movie, directed by Cecil B. DeMille,
tells the story of Moses's life,
his leadership of the enslaved Hebrews,
and his role in
receiving the Ten Commandments
on Mount Sinai),
when in truth our rapport
strictly limited to the staid online
webbed, wide world,
where general superficial familiarity
already the talk of the town,
and virtually hyped-up
artificially intelligently generated
countless spinoffs and spoofs practically
ready made for streaming media,
where copy cat tempestuous zealots
denied opportunistic fodder
yielded countless versions,
which took a page
from the bard videlicet tragicomic
taming of the shrew
brought unwelcome contempt
to each of our unsolicited lives,
(which may as well have been sordid),
we as suddenly rendered infamous persons,
and I shudder to think
what bajillion dollar business
left untapped untold possibilities
of venomous wickedness
above imagined scenario,
could have become a manifest destiny,
had yours truly NOT
put an electronic block
on our Facebook Messenger,
and to any potential drama,
which would easily put
eye popping imbroglio
Hollywood fodder to shame.