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Feb 25, 2026
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Believe?
Do I believe in god?
Who me? Nah no way mate.
How can anyone believe,
in this world full of war and full of hate.
Heaven? Not sure really,
I dunno, I suppose.
There’s gotta be something right?
Some place where we all go.
That’s not the same as god though,
It’s not praying to the clouds n shit.
It’s just wanting something more,
when we’re in the ground or the fire’s been lit.
What kind of god is it anyway,
Who’d create a world like this.
With all the death and the disease,
Where such evil can exist.
Sure there’s a lot of love,
and yeh there is some kindness.
There’s also corruption and greed,
And the violence, it’s just mindless.
What’s that? Your dad died,
Ah fucking sorry mate, I didn’t know.
Don’t worry, I know he’s up there,
Probably with yer Nan, enjoying the show.
Shit, maybe I do believe,
In something more than this.
Or maybe it’s just hope,
Hope of seeing them again, the ones we miss.
All those who we have lost,
Some even before we’re born.
Those who made us who we are,
Then from our lives they’re cruelly torn.
I guess we’ll never know,
and that’s just how it’s meant to be.
Maybe that’s the whole point,
If we don’t believe, we’ll never see.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
1 month 4 weeks ago
Sorry...
only one entry per month for each member. You can enter into the Weekly Contest though.
I like your theme, and for the most part, this is pretty good. I would try to keep the meter close in each line. If you read your work through before you post it, you can hear the stumbles. When you do, look for ways to add or subtract syllables to make it smoother.
You need a comma in between [Nah, and no way].
I would suggest that you delete a couple of syllables in the last line of the first stanza: [in this world of war and hate].
when we're buried or the fire lit.
Sure, [there is] a lot of love,
and [yeah,] there is some kindness. comma after yeah,
What's that? Your dad, he died?
I was sorely tempted to make the lines in the sixth stanza shorter, but while the lines are generally longer than the rest of the poem, they sound authentic, and of course, that is what we want.
I'm thinking that, the extra [the] in certain lines, could be a distraction, and you might get rid of them. If you want to have that extra syllable, in those lines, chose words that aren't bland. Like: With all the death and [such] disease. I like your style, you kind of know where to put the longer lines for emphasis in a change of emotion or subject. Orators, love that kind of direction! Punctuation and vocabulary means a whole lot. Don't forget, there may be a time when this piece of work may be vocalized. Someone may actually want to say this out loud. Good readers love this too! Read, read, read, all of the stuff that you can stuff into the time you have.
~ Geezer.
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