Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Oct 03, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
autumn
Brave autumn leaves fall from trees stout and tall.
‘Neath feet torn and trod by girls graced by God.
West wind bites the cheeks in Pride of the Peaks:
that home in the hills of souls scarred with skills.
Grey clouds hang their heads o’er frail flower beds.
Through tears, angels peep at babes as they sleep.
Raw rain runs down drains as tourists on trains
offload into town as locals just frown.
Red, gold, yellow, bronze: God’s holy icons
lie still – no regrets - as sleepy sun sets.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures the essence of autumn with vivid imagery and a contemplative tone, but there are areas where clarity and cohesion could be enhanced.
1. Imagery and Symbolism: The poem employs strong visual elements—falling leaves, biting winds, grey clouds—that effectively evoke the season. However, some images feel slightly disconnected. For example, "girls graced by God" and "souls scarred with skills" introduce spiritual and metaphorical layers that could be more explicitly linked to the natural elements or the emotional atmosphere of autumn to deepen the poem’s thematic unity.
2. Tone and Mood: The poem carries a somber, reflective mood, especially with phrases like "angels peep at babes" and "locals just frown." These moments suggest a tension between innocence and experience, or between visitors and residents. Expanding on this tension could add emotional depth and narrative interest.
3. Language and Diction: The use of archaic or poetic contractions such as "'Neath" adds a traditional flavor, but occasionally feels out of place with more contemporary phrasing ("girls graced by God," "tourists on trains"). Consider maintaining a consistent diction style to strengthen the poem’s voice.
4. Structure and Rhythm: The poem’s rhyme scheme is consistent, which provides a pleasing musicality. However, some lines feel slightly forced to fit the rhyme, which can disrupt natural flow. Reading the poem aloud and adjusting for smoother meter could enhance readability.
5. Suggestions for Development: - Clarify the relationship between the natural imagery and the human elements to create a more cohesive narrative or emotional arc. - Explore the contrast between the tourists and locals more fully—this could serve as a metaphor for change, loss, or cultural tension within the season’s context. - Consider varying line length or stanza breaks to emphasize key images or shifts in mood.
Overall, the poem offers a rich palette of autumnal images and themes but would benefit from tighter integration of its symbolic elements and a more consistent voice to fully realize its potential.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Words Ablaze
6 months 2 weeks ago
I disagree with Ai on…
I disagree with Ai on disconnected images...I think "girls graced by god" and "souls scarred with skills" adds a nice layer of personality and sentiment.
Blue-eyed Bolla
6 months 2 weeks ago
autumn
Many thanks, yeah, AI doesn't always get it right.
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
autumn
Hello, Blue,
This entire poem is so energetic and active! The reader simply skips along beside it, seeing and feeling all the motion involved, then finally rests with that sleepy sunset. So nice!
Thank you!
L
Blue-eyed Bolla
6 months 2 weeks ago
autumn
Many thanks, L