Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Nov 03, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Andrew
Andrew
We are all
God's child
He is the one
That made us
We have to be happy
To be alive
In his world
We must be grateful for all
The things we have
I am happy that we have
A roof over our heads
And a bed to sleep on
Andrew continue
Dreaming every night
Because dreaming is like
Breathing
Keep the good friends you have
Believe me
There is good and bed people out
There
Lets built our trust
On each other
Also let our friendship grow
Stronger
Lets say thanks for the food
We have to eat
Every single day
AIso we must watch our money
And not spend it like water
Yes we can't buy health with money
It is God that gave us the gift of health
We must look after our health
Every single day
We can't afford to let our health
Go down hill
We must stay sober
If we smoke we will ruin our
Lungs
And we will die of lung cancer
We have no right to gamble with our lives
Our lives are precious
It is our Father that gave to us
We will get older every year
I want to grow old together with you
I will die before you
And it is not going to be easy
To live without me
Because I will be in heaven
Living my new life
And I will not suffer anymore
In heaven
There will be a place in heaven for you
When you die
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a series of reflections and exhortations addressed to Andrew, centering on themes of gratitude, faith, friendship, and mortality. The structure is linear and conversational, resembling a letter or a list of advice rather than a traditional poem with strong imagery or metaphorical language.
The poem’s directness and simplicity create an earnest tone, but the language remains mostly literal, with few figurative devices. The simile “dreaming is like / breathing” stands out as a rare moment of metaphor, but it is not developed further. The piece relies heavily on declarative statements and imperatives (“We must be grateful,” “Lets built our trust,” “We must look after our health”), which can make the poem feel didactic rather than evocative.
The poem’s organization is somewhat scattered, moving from gratitude, to friendship, to health, to mortality, without clear transitions or a unifying image. This approach can reflect the stream-of-consciousness of a speaker offering advice, but it also risks losing focus and emotional impact. The repetition of “every single day” and the return to themes of health and faith do provide some cohesion.
The poem’s voice is inclusive, using “we” and “us,” which creates a sense of community and shared experience. However, the shift to “I will die before you / And it is not going to be easy / To live without me” introduces a more personal and intimate note, which could be developed further for emotional resonance.
Attention to line breaks and punctuation could strengthen the poem’s rhythm and clarity. Currently, the lack of punctuation and the enjambment sometimes obscure meaning and pacing. Consistent spelling and word choice (“bed people” likely intends “bad people”; “lets built” should be “let’s build”) would also improve clarity.
Consider focusing on specific, concrete details or moments to ground the poem’s advice in lived experience. Developing metaphors or imagery could help move the poem beyond general statements and create a more memorable, affecting piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact