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This poem is part of the contest:

11/25 Trials and Tribulations

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Amply funneling kickstarting politesse undergirds zyzygy

Being diplomatic facilitates harmony -
jumpstarting lifelong neighborliness
pacifying rebellious tumultuous vocalizations.

Against the phenomenal cosmological chaos
a measly infinitesimally insignificant species
terminally, lamentably, and fractiously bickers.

Warring contra bands chain the ladies
while motley fools buck the trend
analogous to swimming against the tide
defying overwhelming odds
planting seeds of life and white lily.

Seminal ovations leapfrog
the animalistic (viz atavistic) penchant
to surrender to the base depravity
prevalent among the madding crowd
versus killing with kindness
summoning pluck to weed out
purported forces of evil
castrating potential brother/sisterhood
rampant and strangulating shoots
condemning qua survival of the fittest
misery and suffering rooting
out feeble attempts at altruism
kudzu of violence spreading
foothold upending salient solidarity
leaving little only (red) room
where shining peace and prosperity
thwarted to thrive
creating an alien nation
a dog eat dog world
auspicious enlightenment
of flickering peace and harmony
trampled courtesy goose stepping
totalitarian regimes predominating
to quash propensity toward equality
occasionally hashtagging
exceptions to the rule
all to often quickly
and violently snuffed out,
yet hot pockets of groveling
species of Homo sapiens
doggedly cowed, but persist
in days (centuries) gone by
outstanding individuals
who countenanced
then radical progressive ideas
called heretics and burned at the stake,
yet twenty first century malevolent modalities
of trouncing sprigs
of indomitable spirit
and rage against the machine
pop up like annoying advertisements
and no less abhorrent
than torture and death
by a thousand cuts,
but foo fighting beastie boys
squelch exceptions to the kindnesses
evinced by courageous fortuitous
men, women and even children
shine a light on cohabitation
with promulgation of to often
short lived freedom
of life, liberty
and the pursuit of happiness
rare as harmonic convergence,
than business as usual
in the killing fields
(where ease of firearms
take a toll on the cautious optimism
present within the noggin of yours truly)
after impossible mission
to sustain that holistic modus operandi
of communitarian, egalitarian,
humanitarian, et cetera
attainable ideals showcased
only when positivistic attributes
of simply getting along
seem foreign to one lone survivor
of mental health challenges
predicated on the latitudinarian,
nonestablishmentarian, Pennsylvanian,
sexagenarian, and Unitarian Democrat
Born this way with a poker face.

The vantage point of twenty twenty hindsight allows, enables, and provides the ways and means to ascertain the fatal impact of being an existing hominid brought into the webbed wide world thru figurative dice throw of that fickle finger of fate almost three score and seven years ago, who foresees himself being analogous to a foreigner and survivor of congenital weaknesses that still finds me (a casual chap) ill suited to the nuances of civilization, and feels most euphoric when alone within his reading material, and/or aiming to captcha the elusive ephemeral wisps of wanderlust at the phenomenal permutations afforded courtesy the English Language (since yours truly – me unilingual), where immersing body, mind and spirit electric recharged when respite from the cares and concerns of an uncertain world wide web (of chicanery, forgery, ignominy....) dampens the potential to enjoy existing to the max factor.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: PA, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Burns, Charles Dickens, Robert Frost, Matthew Scott Harris, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Sylvia Plath, Gary Snyder, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

4 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem ambitiously tackles vast themes—diplomacy, human conflict, societal decay, and the quest for harmony—through dense, layered language and a sprawling structure. The title itself, with its unusual combination of words culminating in "zyzygy," sets a tone of complexity and rarity, which the poem reflects in its intricate phrasing and conceptual reach.

Strengths and Observations: - The poem’s vocabulary is rich and varied, often employing uncommon or specialized words ("latitudinarian," "nonestablishmentarian," "zyzygy") that convey intellectual depth. - Thematically, it grapples with the tension between human base instincts and the aspiration toward kindness, solidarity, and progress. - The extended metaphorical imagery—such as “kudzu of violence spreading” and “flickering peace and harmony trampled courtesy goose stepping”—effectively conveys the encroachment of destructive forces on societal ideals. - The poem’s stream-of-consciousness style mirrors the chaotic and overwhelming nature of the modern world and internal mental states.

Areas for Development: 1. **Clarity and Accessibility**: The density of vocabulary and length of sentences sometimes obscure meaning and disrupt the reader’s engagement. Consider breaking longer sentences into shorter, more digestible units to improve flow and comprehension. Strategic line breaks and punctuation can help guide the reader through complex ideas.

2. **Structural Cohesion**: The poem reads as a continuous block of text with minimal stanza breaks, which can overwhelm the reader. Introducing stanzas or thematic sections would provide natural pauses and emphasize shifts in tone or focus.

3. **Tone and Voice Consistency**: The poem oscillates between lofty philosophical reflection and informal, conversational asides (e.g., “(where ease of firearms take a toll on the cautious optimism present within the noggin of yours truly)”). While this can create an intimate voice, the shifts feel abrupt. A more consistent tone or smoother transitions between modes would strengthen the poem’s overall impact.

4. **Imagery and Metaphor Balance**: Some metaphors are vivid and compelling, but others are dense or mixed (e.g., “foo fighting beastie boys” juxtaposed with “torture and death by a thousand cuts”). Clarifying or refining these images could enhance their resonance and avoid confusion.

5. **Personal vs. Universal**: The poem ends with a deeply personal reflection, which adds a poignant dimension. However, the transition from broad societal critique to intimate self-description is quite abrupt. Developing a more gradual or thematically linked transition could unify the poem’s scope.

6. **Punctuation and Formatting**: The poem’s sparse punctuation and long lines contribute to a breathless pace but can hinder readability. Thoughtful punctuation and line breaks would help emphasize key ideas and improve rhythm.

In summary, this poem is a complex meditation on human nature and society, rich in language and ambition. Focusing on clarity, structural organization, and tonal consistency will help the poem’s powerful ideas and images reach the reader more effectively.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

4 months 3 weeks ago

One of...

your smoothest rites in a while! I needed a couple of warm-ups before tackling this one [in the flesh] so to speak, by reading it aloud. Nicely done sir, while convincing me of the need for aware minds. ~ Geez.

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