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Aug 15, 2026
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Always
If you live with an angry man in your house,
You’ll always live with an angry man in your house.
You can change cities, swap the furniture,
scrub the walls and wash the windows —
He’ll be there.
He’ll live in your eyes,
A glint of hatred too stubborn to leave.
On your lips,
A subtle whisper of cruelty marked on the soft skin.
Balled up in your fists,
A growing ember of viciousness bursting at the seams.
He’ll live on in you — but he is not you.
The cycle can end with you.
— IceWuulf, Aug 15, 2026
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About This Poem
Editing Stage: Polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
19 hours 11 min ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's central conceit is genuinely effective: the shift from the angry man as an external presence to his residency inside the speaker's body is the emotional engine of the piece, and it lands. The three parallel images — eyes, lips, fists — build accumulating force, and the closing pivot, "he is not you / The cycle can end with you," earns its directness because the body-as-dwelling metaphor has done the preparatory work.
The main area that could be strengthened is the language within those parallel images, which at points strains toward abstraction rather than physical specificity. "A growing ember of viciousness bursting at the seams" mixes metaphors in a way that softens impact — embers don't burst at seams, and "viciousness" is a label where a concrete sensation would be more powerful. Similarly, "a subtle whisper of cruelty marked on the soft skin" reaches for the evocative but stops short of something the reader can feel. The eye image, "a glint of hatred too stubborn to leave," is the strongest of the three because it stays close to observable detail. Pushing the lips and fists images toward that same bodily precision — what does the mouth actually do, what does the hand actually remember — would give the structural parallel the consistency it deserves.
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