Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Sep 14, 2011
⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature
Acrid Mist writing with emotion workshop
You have what I want
Tiny bites nip at my
Self control.
I need what you have
An ache cramps
My back.
Give it to me
Got have it,
It’s not yours.
— lou, Sep 14, 2011
Share this poem
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
raj
14 years 10 months ago
Lou
this poem can be perceived as one expressing "desire" but that is not listed in the workshop on emotions is it?...may be i perceived it in correctly....but i liked the mysterious factor in this...
lou
14 years 10 months ago
Raj
Thank you I'll wait for some more input, before I change anything
Lou
raj
14 years 10 months ago
Lou
please don't get me wrong..i didn't mean to suggest that you need to change anything...
lou
14 years 10 months ago
Raj
don't worry i'm not offended. The idea is to change things .
Lou
lou
14 years 10 months ago
Hehe
I'm always missing stuff out..
Lou
Candlewitch
14 years 10 months ago
Dear Lou,
I'm impressed! You have expressed a couple of emotions with so few words!
always, Cat
Join Neopoet to leave a critique
Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.