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Dec 10, 2023
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2023 New Year's Image Prompt
It has been a roller-coaster ride
This Slip stream mounted slide
Oft' times we must partake and abide
Out with the olden days
Let us come out of the haze
with a well turned phrase
On the appointed hour raise
your voices and glasses in praise
As we promise new ways in coming days
Let there be lilting mirth
raise your voices high
on the eve of our rebirth!
— Candlewitch, Dec 10, 2023
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About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem uses rhyme and repetition to evoke the communal spirit of New Year’s celebrations. The structure is consistent, with tercets leading to a final couplet, which provides a sense of closure and uplift. The rhyme scheme (AAA in each stanza) creates a musical quality, though it sometimes results in forced phrasing (“Slip stream mounted slide” is somewhat unclear in meaning and may disrupt the flow).
Imagery is present but could be more vivid. Phrases like “roller-coaster ride” and “come out of the haze” are familiar metaphors but do not offer fresh perspectives. The poem’s strongest moments are in the communal calls to action: “raise your voices and glasses in praise” and “on the eve of our rebirth!” These lines effectively convey the celebratory mood.
Consider refining the language for clarity and originality. For example, clarifying the “Slip stream mounted slide” image or replacing it with a more concrete metaphor could strengthen the opening. Additionally, varying the rhyme scheme or line lengths might add dynamism and prevent predictability.
Overall, the poem succeeds in capturing the hopeful and communal atmosphere of New Year’s Eve but would benefit from more precise imagery and less reliance on conventional phrases.
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