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Peajay
Member since March 3, 2021
Member for 5 years, 3 months
member
4
Poems
23
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0
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Most recent
Black
Once again, I find the days
are framed in funeral black.
Mine eyes of grey cannot convey
the colours that they lack.
So I cross the breeze to the silver trees
that have all but lost their sheen.
Too tense to yawn, I swallow the dawn
and reflect in the still-born stream.
Like a scar, I bear your star
now gone supernova.
Yet the falling rain won't forget your name
and whispers it over and over.
Peajay’s timeline
- March 2026
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03 TueAnniversary
5 years of membership
- March 2022
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03 ThuAnniversary
One year of membership
- March 2021
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10 WedCritiqued
"When I am Hurt" by @coosh1
"Hello Mark, nice to meet you. I admire the ambition of what you have done with the repetitive rhyme words. But it seems to sometimes result in ungrammatical or confusing phrasing. Maybe, it's a constraint too far. The c…" -
10 WedReceived a critique
on Black from @Ray Whitaker
"A very touching piece, this. I feel sure that Those of us that are in the midst of that part of life, called being a part of the dying of a loved one, sense this piece in a large way. I look forward to reading more of y…" -
10 Wed
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10 Wed
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09 TueCritiqued
"The Waiting Game" by @Sen99
"Hello Sen, an honest and heartfelt poem. Liked 'birds fell from the sky'. Just a couple of things - 'It was all very boring' is not great line in a poem. The grammar of the last line should read 'nothing came to those w…" -
09 Tue
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09 TueCritiqued
"Nirvana (Rhyme Pattern Workshop)" by @Lavender
"Hello Lavender, How splendid, a poem about the joys of nature. With nice rhyming and lovely imagery. The last line is a bit too wordy for me - keep it simple. But I love the rest of that last verse. enjoyed…" -
09 TueCritiqued
"Awakening This Misty Morn (Rhyming Pattern Workshop)" by @Teddy15
"Hello Teddy, Good job for a non-natural rhymster, with all the elements in place. I like the self-reference and humour in the final verse, Not taking things too seriously! cheers.....................Philip" -
08 MonCritiqued
"Come Tomorrow... (Rhyme Patterns Workshop) " by @Alan S Jeeves
"Hello Alan, a neat trick, adding a line to the verses of a previous rhyming write. It works well apart from the line - And concede the year must die. Which seems overstated and negative within the context of the celebra…" -
08 MonCritiqued
"Lauds (Rhyme Patterns Workshop)" by @Arrow
"Hello Arrow, A tricky scheme handled well, with thoughtful and considered writing. I'm not fond of the opening, which should draw the reader in, but straight away they're hit with a double negative - and for me, there a…" -
08 MonCritiqued
"Questions (Rhyme Patterns Workshop)" by @Lavender
"Hello Lavender, Well done for the spot-on rhyming within a tricky scheme. And I love the humour of the questions and the exasperation of the narrator. Although, the third verse seems like a departure - dwelling on perso…" -
07 SunReceived a critique
on Nemesis (rhyme shop) from @scribbler
"Over used something in a poem. my tendency is the ..... These things like any other lose their intended impact when over used. I'd suggest you go back and decide exactly which lines would benefit the most from your use…" -
07 SunReceived a critique
on Nemesis (rhyme shop) from @Arrow
"and feels like a finger repeatedly shoved in the chest-so well done. The first stanza is a little rough for me. I don't know what this means: "through selective regeneration." Is this a reference to revisionist history?…" -
07 SunCritiqued
"Outside looking in (Rhyming Pattern Workshop ABAB) " by @Teddy15
"Hello Teddy. Good job on the rhyming scheme which is solid with strong, natural rhymes, making for an easy, rhythmic read. My only quibble is the pervading pitiful sentiment - tree radiance and the buzz are nice ideas t…" -
07 SunReceived a critique
on Charged (rhyme patterns workshop) from @scribbler
"That is what workshops are for, to better people's skills. But it doesn't work unless participants understand then follow instructions for exercises. Now if it would be easier for you to start a poem from scratch using…" -
07 Sun
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05 FriReceived a critique
on Charged (rhyme patterns workshop) from @scribbler
"read all comments and exercises in the shop. This is Not rhyming couplet. It is quatrains with an ABAB pattern. A pattern in which the first and third lines rhyme and the second and fourth lines rhyme. Read what others…" -
05 FriReceived a critique
on Charged (rhyme patterns workshop) from @scribbler
"Where is the rhyme? the only one I saw was from one stanza to another and only in the last 2 stanzas. Please check the last assignment. We are presently working on the ABAB pattern" -
05 Fri
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05 FriFirst critique offered
on "SHOWTIME( rhyme patterns workshop)" (since unpublished) by @Teddy15
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03 WedFirst publication
Fall-moon
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03 Wed
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03 WedJoined Neopoet
Membership begins
First poem published 1 days later.
About Me
About me
I am an Englishman exiled in the beautiful land of Dylan Thomas. I have been writing poetry for quite a while and enjoy rhyming, but would like to expand my style.
Location: West Glamorgan, Wales. UK.
Favorite Poets
My favourite current poets are John Hegley and Wendy Cope (very English!).
Recent Work
Contest Wins
This member has not yet won any contests.
Workshops
| Skill level: | ||||
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| RHYME PATTERNS (let's begin) | (syllabus) | Splash Pool | Started 2021-02-24 | Concluded |