Lonesome

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem has genuine energy and a few strong local moments. The opening image of a lonesome cigarette drifting into morning mist is evocative and sets a quiet, contemplative mood effectively. The inclusion of "tinieblas" and the phone-as-portable-computer observation show a distinct voice and a willingness to mix registers, which can be a real strength when the rest of the poem earns it.

The main challenge is that the poem moves so quickly between images and ideas that it becomes difficult to follow any single thread long enough to feel its weight. The refrigerator, the niece and nephew, the molten lava, the dollar, the biblical flood — each of these could anchor a poem, but here they appear and disappear before a reader can settle into them. A revision worth attempting would be to choose one or two of the poem's strongest images and expand them, letting the feeling accumulate rather than cycling through so many subjects. The closing lines gesture toward urgency and affection, but they arrive before the emotional groundwork has been laid, so the impact is lighter than the sentiment deserves.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.

Welcome to Neopoet!

Thank you for posting your first poem with us! I read through it once, and to be honest, found it to be jumpy so I wasn't sure of it. I will revisit with a fresh day and give it a go again. 

Please reach out if you have any questions or need help navigating through Neopoet. You can usually find me in the chatroom. We just launched our themed chatrooms, Geezer is hosting a room on Saturday nights, Myself on Friday nights and BlueSkies on Monday nights. You can find them on the calendar events. Hope you can visit!! We would love to have you join us!!

Live, Love, Laugh 

(and don't forget to Write!!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink