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This poem is part of the contest:

07/26 New Member Contest

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Broken

Broken promises.

Broken dreams.

Trust broken into pieces.

You left when you said you never would.

I still will always feel the way it used to be.

Pain is all I feel now.

Pain is what all is left.

I loved you then and I still do.

I still think of you.

Think of what might have been.

Things that were never said.

I close my eyes and I see you again.

Nothing will be the same.

I am all to blame for all that could have been.

You are but a dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

— Laura Pariani, Jul 19, 2026

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing Stage: Rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

2 days 11 hours ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem's emotional territory — grief, lost love, self-reproach — is real and worth exploring, and a few lines carry genuine feeling. "I close my eyes and I see you again" works because it is concrete and sensory rather than declarative, and it earns its place. The opening anaphora on "broken" also establishes a rhythm that the reader can follow.

The main challenge is that much of the poem tells the reader what to feel rather than showing the experience that would produce that feeling. Lines like "Pain is all I feel now" and "Nothing will be the same" name emotions directly, which tends to keep the reader at a distance rather than drawing them in. The poem would gain considerably by trading some of those summary statements for a specific detail or image: a physical object, a particular moment, a gesture the other person made. That kind of concrete anchor gives abstract grief somewhere to live on the page. The closing line, "You are but a dream," arrives a little abruptly; if it is meant as the emotional pivot or conclusion, a small amount of preparation — a line that earns the shift to that image — would make it land with more weight.

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