Jagged Emotion

I think this ones great I can see your experimenting with words and exploring ... the poem needs a little work to make it great but i can see how hard your working Lou and for that I am giving you a five love and big hugs JayCee x x x (“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson quote)

This is much more the strong expression and emotive word use that I was looking for from you. The only line I was not completely convinced by was "undulation through the cerebrum". I think undulating would be better in the context but as a neuroscientist I would prefer "oscillating" (since brain waves oscillate at specific frequencies rather than unudulate). Or if you want to give an impression of out of control then "epileptiform" or even "vortexing". My best wishes Keith

I see also what our Jayne Chloe is seeing but I want to say it is good Lou. I had to read at it twice and slowly as the picture I see was clear as day. You keep on getting up there with your poetry and I admire your efforts in doing so. I especially liked this part: Smashing up against clarity random bearing on reality vagueness seeping into insecurity that vagueness seeing into insecurity oh how true to word it is. I got your mindset with this piece and Prof offers up a good suggest too. I have nothing to crit on this one for you but what I have said and will come back to see the polished piece. Keep them coming Lou Love Mona Magics xooxox

I loved this Lou!! See this play right in to my love of word and how they can be used, I think what Seren was trying to say is that although there is alot of great words, we miss a story with in to conect it all to. But in my book, I LOVE IT. I sometime write for just the joy of words, sometimes they just roll out in a squence far beyond me to deny, this is what I see and feel with this one. Not in subject, but in pure abandonment and joy of using words, this reminds me of my write Oral inticacys, just a homage to words! And you did have an underlying story and meaning. So I am only guessing at others thoughts anyways. Loved this throughly, I mean I pure joy to read this unhindered progression of great words. I know you told me you were about to post one, I will look for it too! Julie D.D. Hello all, come and join us in Live chat! Meet n' greet, Neo night, lonely poems, teen night. We have something for everyone, come and meet your community!