A Gladiator's Tale

Serving life sentences In Lucifer’s fortressBecoming dust As the years pass Awaiting mercy From the prince of death Falling to my knees praying To the all powerful gods A thousand lashes From my master’s whip Couldn’t keep me hopeless Gaining him coin As I gamble my every breath To appease the crowdIn Roman arenas Vision of my wife’s smileKeep my spirits high Now I am a brother amongstThe greatest warriors At my master’s pleasureI roar like a million lions As my sword kills for sportMay the heavens save me For much blood stains these hands When will I breathe free air Oh, heavens may that day near Or may I die a gladiatorAt the mercy of of a Gladiator's sword

— paul, Jul 16, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

Favorite Poets: Cavafi, Sylvia Plath and Neopoet as a whole.

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Critiques

Tonya

15 years 10 months ago

Hey ya Paul

I like this story poem. Story poems are one of my favorite types to read. I think you can do much better with this though. There’s trimming the excessive words from a poem…but sometimes I think we can go too far and lose part of the flavor and meaning. I find some of the verses too cryptic. This is a story, you need to relate it so. As I serve my life sentence In Lucifer’s fortress I shall become dust As the years pass Or..from/through the passing of years… … play around with it some.. I think you can get so much more depth if you will. I love the subject and really want to see you do more with it. I'll be checking back!!!! Always, Tonya

DawningDaytripper

15 years 10 months ago

Hi Paul,

I think Tonya may have a point, I would try to expand it with that thought. We also talked on this, its is a great piece. But does ask for something a little more personal for a story, so we can relate to this Gladiator centurys ago, a name. His wifes name, just a little something to throughly invest us in the outcome of this Gladiator. In my opinion of coarse, Julie D.D. Hello all, come and join us in Live chat! Meet n' greet, Neo night, lonely poems, teen night. We have something for everyone, come and meet your community!