Into the Ebony Night

This is beautiful writting my friend, very nice *You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down*

when wake your gone? better off without one like that! beautifully written , the dark side of what love can do! with much love shirl... shirley harrison

This is so lovely but very sad. I’ve known that feeling, not for quite a while though, when you awake and the love of your life is gone. It’s horrible. Just a couple of things I noticed... and the {Oder} of stale cigarettes …………[odour] but when {wake} you’re gone ………[awake] or [I awake] Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

This is awesome poetry great imagery only a couple of suggestions I would make only tiny, I will be back tomorrow just wrote a post it lol they are working a treat I havent forgotten anything in three days so far, touch wood, my little wooden head lol haha brava hun love and big hgus and a smile JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

See, I really did stop by to read this...lol. Yes, I was up most of the night... just had to get a little shut eye before getting here to see it. This poem is hauntingly beautiful. I can feel the sadness behind your wonderful words. I like this poem the best of all the ones of yours I have read. It definitely has universal appeal as so many people should be able to relate to it like I have done. Great write, Lou! Love-Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~

I always have something to critique about a poem, but I don't feel like it now. Lol. I just wanted to comment to say that the first stanza is very romantic, the third stanza is very cool and surreal, and the rest of it is also nice. Good luck writing.

I like this one but I will offer up some suggests you know me with my proofreads. I look out into velvet black night (maybe into a velvet..) and i count the stars hoping for (maybe omit the and) cap the I count... your return The moon is a reflection of my life , empty and my life, (check the spaces) empty (with) devoid of tenderness (a) devoid When you walked out that door the darkness swallowed you whole it is as if you never existed it is as if you (check the spacing) never... Coffee grounds in your cup and the odour of stale cigarettes (omit the and) an odor of stale.... are the only proof you were here The dark Mistress of midnight (mistress capped?) has seduced you and taken your love away (omit has) seduced you and.... but i will wait for you until the end of my days (I) When i lie in our bed at night (I) it is almost like your here (you are here) but when awake it was a dream (but when I awake) it was... I long for the ebony cloak of darkness to enfold me , so that i can count (to enfold me omit spaces)so that.. the stars again and again and keep you near me Now my Lou these are only my suggests as of course this is your lovely poem and I believe you can tighten it up if you wish. I like how you portrayed your thoughts here in this write and I am only offering my half-cooked (not raw) truth. lol I shall return. I hope my read and suggests help. Love at ya gal Mona

Your poem reads fine but it is rather conversational and could be made more punchy and have more descriptive imagery. This is only an illustration of course but hopefully it shows you what I mean. All the best Keith I peer into velvet black, star-gazing for portents of your return. The autumn moon reflects my life pallid and empty, devoid of tenderness. When my door framed your parting, the darkness swallowed your very existence. Coffee grounds smeared in your cup and wafts of stale cigarette the only remnant of you. Rapacious Mistress midnight has seduced away your love, but only mine will endure. Here in insomnia's bed your head indents my pillow but awake, only an impressioned dream. I long for night's ebony cloak enfolding remembrance and hope star clusters shaping your absent face restoring your light to me.

thru your tears. Use that beautiful smile, to catch a new lover! ~ Gee xx

Dear Lou, these lines are my favourite. Your imagery is great. Velvet night! I loved it. Thanks. Ayaz Warith

hi i have not read this before any edits but as it is its brill to me so to that end this gets my nom as i only nom two a day love it ,,,,,,zigs well written

i jut popped by for another read still love it,,,,,,,,,,,, zigs