Open Cremation

Crackle, flicker, sizzle;
Burning embers glowing
Like dragon's eyes ablaze
Sending red-hot cinders
Aloft upon its winds
Singeing withered dermis
Within its spiral reach
Ever swirling higher
The inferno rages
Flames consume the pyre
Like hungry dragons feast
And naught left, but ashes

7.13.10
(c) Tonya Greenlee

Wow...1st time I have ever tried blank(ish) verse, with Trimeter, no metaphors and no rhyming.
Don't be too harsh! lol...

— Tonya, Jul 14, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

First, with regards to the contest

(I read your blog), this line :"Flames consume the pyre" I find troublesome. I pronounce "pyre" "PIE-yer", which makes it off in terms of both meter and rhyming with "higher". This may be due to my own accent however. Otherwise as far as I can see all the rules are respectd, without using "as" and only 2 "like"s, which is great, I'm having a lot of trouble with that myself. I find the last line does not flow well in terms of "mental" rhythm, in relation to what comes before. The preceding line finishes a thought, and I get the impression that the last line is there specifically to make it a 12 line poem. Otherwise I like the poem, I'm a fan of dragons and your imagery is strong. This is my favourite part: "Flames consume the pyre Like hungry dragons feast" I also like how the beginning brings sounds to mind, it made me jump right into the poem. Good luck with the contest, Antoine

Tonya

15 years 10 months ago

Dear Antoine

I much appreciate your critic! Thank you :0) Hmmmm.. pyre…sounds like pie-er – friar. It is not supposed to have a rhyming rhythm. One of the stipulations of this type of poem. The ending..was actually supposed to be ‘Til naught left, but ashes’ But, when I noticed my error, I couldn’t go Back and edit it. Darn. Maybe it does just Seem added, but at the time, I thought it Brought the poem to its conclusion….heehee and The cremation. Thanks bunches! Always, Tonya

scribbler

15 years 10 months ago

verse

don't know most technicalities of poetry but I know what I like,and I like this....if this is for contest ,good luck......scribbler

Tonya

15 years 10 months ago

My dear Scribbler

You honor me. I really appreciate your comment and glad I could entertain you with this piece. Very happy that you liked it. Trying something new by attempting the rules laid out in this months contest. Thank you, Sir Sincerely, Tonya

magics02

15 years 10 months ago

Hey gal

I may have to come back to this one as something isn't feeling for me on it just yet. Maybe it is the title or maybe it is the thought of a human's body burning likeen to the two dragon words that is throwing me off here. Hope that is not too raw for ya:)but taken of truth. I do not want to take away from your contest piece but I will seek more of it at a later time perhaps. Love at ya gal Mona xoxox

Tonya

15 years 10 months ago

lol, not at all Mona

I welcome any response. It is a rather gruesome thought. Kind of came together as I started writing about fire. (the theme for this months contest) The outline was very specific for an equal metric measure per line, 12 lines and must use a simile, without metaphors. I would much prefer the metaphors! Cremation can be controversial. The dragons, which i think of as fierce, like fire, merely represent the similarity between how fire behaves and how a dragon may behave (in the poem) No offense is taken. Not every poem is for everyone. I sincerely appreciate your comments. Thanks for reading. Always, Tonya

Lil Z

15 years 10 months ago

Hello!

Loved this one, great imagery and depth!

Tonya

15 years 10 months ago

Thank you

so much Lil Z! I'm very happy you liked this one. :0) It's really fun and challenging to try something new! Good for our skills. Much appreciated you stopping to read. Always, Tonya