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M

magics02

Jul 13, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Ribbons of Love

Those ribbons in the sky
still soar up so very high
A star still guides me along the way
reminiscent of those long ago days

Colors of this song streaming
across the spacious skies
Some purple with shades of blue
still hold the remembrance of you

My tears inside, I so do remember
all those days of an old November
What did it all so long ago mean
still carrying a feeling so serene

We found the strength
within each others eyes
With those ribbons in the sky
that once were, of you and I

From this love in this heart of mine
flows a teardrop, still left inside
From that time, so very long ago
a memory still alive, as I feel it so

This short write of mine came about this evening from visiting Race to Go's profile and hearing a song so tender to my heart with so much meaning. Thank you Race for bringing back a memory of old but not forgotten feelings in my heart.

I shall put it to page here. When I want to listen to it as I write. So many feelings come alive and memories of this wonderful song of Stevie Wonder which is one of my favorite all time songs. Memories of a first love that will always stay with me wherever he is. .forever..Chuck Scoggins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cuuu6a01As

mms 7.13.10

— magics02, Jul 13, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Florida, USA

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Critiques

P

poewriter58

16 years ago

Mona

Ill be gentle . The only thing I see here is the use of the word love. perhaps another word in place might work to alleviate the overuse of the word love. I know this is the feeling you want to convey and I wouldn't take that away from you. Chrys

M

16 years ago

Yes thank you so much Poe

I shall go back in and try to lessen the repetition. Thank you for the thoughts and the review. I love your ideas and appreciate them just the same. I tweak her up some more and feel I may still come back to this as I listen to this song over and over tonite. Expresses and brings back some really strong feelings of my first love:) Let me know how you read it again. I thank you! Love,Mona oxoxo

S

16 years ago

ribbons

You know I'm not much at free verse but I do manage a few rhymes so that is where I'll comment.1st stanza:change rhyme pair"way-days" to ways-days.2nd stanza:change"blues-you" to blue-you.Think these 2 minor adjustments may help without affecting work's intent at all.By the way very good for a "quickie".....scribbler

M

16 years ago

Yes i shall go take another look

thank you my scribe and keep it coming I appreciate it so much..Yes I just did this one as I was listening to the song. Hey Scribe you know guy I changed it to western classic since I do not feel it is freeform and I fiddled with some words but for now will leave it as is and may visit your suggests again. Let it sit for a little while on the sofa. You are a champ for always lending your eyes and mind to my pages. I appreciate you.:) love at you guy Mona xoxox

16 years ago

Just Beautiful, Mona!

You almost had me crying with this one. I could feel the emotion behind your words. Listening to the song afterwards was very moving. I think you did a wonderful job. You may want to make a few minor changes (as in tightening it up if you wish) later but I really love this poem as you've written it. It's just beautiful, Mona! Love-Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~

M

16 years ago

Thank you Faith

I appreciate the read and the comment. I keep going back in to fix it up. I have did more to this then any poem I have written. Please offer up your suggests if you will and tomorrow I shall take another look at her. If only I could send this to that someone who stole my heart some 34 years ago and imagine I'm still holding a torch in the burrows of my heart. First love never fades, goes away but never, ever leaves me for he was the one only that ever really gave me the broken heart..and after all these years still has not burnt out. They say time heals old wounds but this love was one that I will never experience as much as I did back then to still feel it today..sorry for my running on... When I heard this song on Race to Go's profile I have not stopped playing it for some reason this write was meant to be tonite, that is all I can say. thanking you my florida friend so much Mona xoxoxox

16 years ago

Mona

Lovely read just a couple of tweaks, in line 6 you should just say ' across the vast skies ' or ' across the spacious skies,' you don't need to use both words because they mean the same thing and using one of them sounds better. And the 3rd line of the 3rd stanza is a little awkward, maybe you could say ' what did it all mean ' ? A beautiful poem. Love Lou xx

M

16 years ago

I thank you Lou

Thanks honey and I did tinker with the vast and spacious you can see where I did that one and I am still unhappy with the 3rd stanza. I will probably come back a couple more times to tweak it up more, I appreciate your comments and thank you for the visit gal Love,Mona xoxox

xena465

16 years ago

WoW Mona

This is so lovely and I like the story behind the write. Fabulous. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

M

16 years ago

Xena gal

Thank you so much for the comments here and yes this one does indeed have a story for sure behind it and I am glad you seen it here. I apprecaite all the comments so far here on this one. Love at ya gal Mona xoxox

16 years ago

Dear Mona

I thought it was lovely my friend brava love and big hugs JayCee hope you like the edit I did on the other poem (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

M

16 years ago

Thank you so

Yes I appreciate your support so much and I will get back to the could would should poem.LOL Talk to you soon aussie lady friend Love and Wishes to you upon a star MOna xoxoxo

Z

16 years ago

hi

hi i would need to listen to the song to get your twist to this one but you got some wort while advice above and yes our first love never totally fades from mind does it keep well chat soon ,,,,zigs x

M

16 years ago

Hye my good looking Zigs

Thank you so for stopping in and the comments and please click on the utube link at the end as you read it and then you may feel where I was going with it. Ribbons In The Sky by Stevie Wonder Be in touch real soon with ya sweet thing Love,Mona xooox

16 years ago

Dear Mona

I am so sorry to be late to this party. I have to tell you, that ribbons of love reminded me of balloons! My favorite lines: We found the strength within each others eyes With those ribbons in the sky that once were, of you and I Love, Cat

M

16 years ago

I thank you so Golden

You know something those were my highlights of the whole poem that stanza..wowo we on the same page again with this one. I thank you so much for your support and comments always Love at you Golden Lady Mona xoxoxox

16 years ago

Very nice

I love it, I really like the lines The love in this heart of mine flows a teardrop, still left inside From that time, so very long ago a memory still alive, as I feel it so very nice writing my beautiful friend *You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down*

M

16 years ago

Oh my Hobo

I am just loving everyones take on this one since I worked it up and then I will probably work on it some more when I have the time. Thank you so much for comments and I am happy you liked this one. Love at ya guy Mona xoxoxo

MS

Mari Shine

16 years ago

Beautiful work in this very

Beautiful work in this very tender write Mona. First love, so pure, so precious, so wonderful that every other love stands in it's shadow. Love never dies Mona, it lives on in our hearts ad infinitum and beyond. A very emotional poem, which I have both loved and enjoyed reading so very much. Thank You for so kindly sharing dear Mona. Blessings..........

M

16 years ago

I thank you for your visit Mari

What a gracious and nice comment you have left here and yes I agree with you 100 percent for last nite I listened over and over to this song and it brang me back to some long ago years and felt like it was just yesterday. Amazing what a song can do. Did you get to listen to the song? Thanking you again with much love Mona oxoxo

R

R.M.Shanmugam

16 years ago

superb. We found the

superb. We found the strength within each others eyes With those ribbons in the sky that once were, of you and I these lines are touching. shan

M

16 years ago

I thank you so for your visit

Mr R.M thank you so much for sharing your thougths and comments to my poem here today. I believe Cat and myself included found this stanza to be the one that struck me the most as I wrote it. I appreciate your time in reading it and sharing with me. Thanking you kindly Love,Mona xoxoxox

SH

shirley harrison

16 years ago

Dear Mona

you have wrapped this poem in Ribbons its beautiful ! much love shirl.... shirley harrison

M

16 years ago

Thank you for comments and stars

Thank you my bella gal and nice to see your smiling face as always. I appreciate the read and the lovely wrap!! Love at ya gal Mona xxoxoxo

LZ

16 years ago

Oh my, I've missed a lot!

A great poem, I love the depth!

M

16 years ago

Lil Z

How nice of you to stop by and take a read. I appreciate all the comments from everyone on this poem Much love at you My Rapper xoxoxoxoxo Mona

Professor Purple

Professor Purple

16 years ago

Beautiful!

So much has already been said, I only have one change to suggest: "[From the] love in this heart of mine flows a teardrop, still left inside" Antoine

M

16 years ago

Grazzi my friend

And I did just that and thank you for that makes it even more special to me. I appreciate the read and the comments, and miss talking at ya Love Mona xoxoox

H

16 years ago

I can feel this one

First love should always be special. It sets the standard for for then on. Any young readers if your first love isn't feeling right. Run. It should be like Mona's, last forever. Even if it doesn't work. You never know what tomorrow may bring Mona. I have a second chance with a lost love. Take Care. huey

M

16 years ago

Hippie poet my friend

The ribbons still waves ever so high and I so thank you for stopping by. I love your comment here and yes you got it right after all these years why oh why it feels like only yesterdays song. Love at ya Mona xoxoxo

M

16 years ago

Hippie poet my friend

The ribbon still waves ever so high and I so thank you for stopping by. I love your comment here and yes you got it right after all these years why oh why it feels like only yesterdays song. Love at ya Mona xoxoxo

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