Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

To Recline Upon the Heavens

To Recline Upon the Heavens

As we consider the proper
circumstance for this glorious
retelling of such allegory
originally reserved for
secret societies within
the confines of arcane burrows,
I want to make absolutely
certain this tale will be believed.

Stupendously great events have
taken place in relation to
high minded ideals we find both
engaging and compelling and
yes, even a bit disruptive.

Make yourself suitably composed
and we shall define this mythos.

Known, of course, are inscrutable
elephants and the abiding
mastery they display every
year as, steadfast, they journey North,
South, East, and West searching in an
ocean of wild jungle and plain
until they discover that one
location where they might rest a
bit and start their meditation.

Laboriously they settle,
each inspecting their table for
enticing fare and sumptuous
delicacies that will stave the
siren calls of hunger as they
open their minds to the thoughts and
musings required to solve the
unsolvable and finally
capture the dreams that will foment
happiness, friendship, and comfort.


Does the significance of this
occasion impress you with the
importance of your place in the
design or do you view this as
effectively disposable;
similar to napkins made of
paper, used once and thrown away?

I cannot see your reaction.

So, we spoon feed the knowledge to
everyone in hopes that kindness,
that sweet milk of human nature,
has the grand opportunity
envisioned by these indulgent
masters of guileless reflection.

----------------------------------------------------

Motivation and Focus.

This is a story told in tetrameter blank verse.  It is an exercise whose meaning and focus I choose not to reveal as of yet but I will certainly entertain any ideas or questions.  It will read like free verse since I do not look for a natural break in the conversation a the end of each line but I have painstakingly conformed to tetrameter.  I will say, even more than is the norm, I used my dictionary and thesaurus heavily for this piece and would still be working on it and it would be even rougher had I not done so.

I've worked on this off-and-on for about a week.  There are still issues, no doubt, one of which may be the title.  I shall let it sit and see in a few days.

For reference, I consider titles integral to my writing.  In this case I've gone through 5+ titles and may well go through another 5 more.

Comments and observations are welcome.

— Pugilist, Jul 12, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

15 years 11 months ago

I’d comment but I keep

I'd comment but I keep forgetting what your poem is about. Oh, yeah, the grass is always greener. Wait, I could be wrong! Darn. Seriously, Jonathan, my type of poetry: intelligent and caustic, just enough sarcasm to flavor the milk of human kindness, I could see the whole journey in my mind's eye. (Your hook: "Make yourself suitably composed and we will begin this journey" is brilliant, reminds me a bit of Rod Serling.) Your *I can not see your reaction* is written just when it needed to be. Words, how I love their usage and overall effect, what can I say but I have title envy. (Shouldn't Upon be caps too?) ~Anna p.s. I can't argue with anything here, but if you give me time, you know I'll find something, it's how my character is drawn. "There is a kind of mysticism to writing." ~ Irvine Welsh
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

15 years 11 months ago

Anna,

Upon gave me pause and I finally decided it was akin to "the" but I could be wrong. Thanks for the review and commentary. This is still subject to change in my mind so I will keep an eye on it as well. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
Kailashana

Kailashana

15 years 11 months ago

Revisiting the scene of the

Revisiting the scene of the crime.... Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head Down came the good fairy and she said "Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head. I'll give you three chances, And if you don't behave I'll turn you into a goon!" The next day: Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head Down came the good fairy and she said "Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head. I'll give you two more chances, And if you don't behave I'll turn you into a goon!" The next day: Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head Down came the good fairy and she said "Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head. I'll give you one more chance, And if you don't behave I'll turn you into a goon!" The next day: Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head Down came the good fairy and she said "Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you Scooping up the field mice And boppin' 'em on the head. I gave you three chances And you didn't behave Now you're a goon! POOF!!" The moral of the story is: HARE TODAY, GOON TOMORROW And don't even ask me why this came to my mind today. Light, Anna "There is a kind of mysticism to writing." ~ Irvine Welsh
Seren

Seren

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Jon

Like Anna I was struck by the same lines Make yourself suitably composed and we shall begin this saga. it makes me think of the old radio shows where they created atmosphere with just a mic and the good telling of a story ... I loved your poem I am going to have a look in the morning with a fresh mind but on a first read i cant see much i would want to change but i will look, post it note written lol Love JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

I don't get it.

But I'll still try to comment. First, I do wonder why the story is written in tetrameter. My best guess is that certain secret societies spoke in such a way when reciting stories. For myself, I found the reading interesting, although since it reads like prose to me, I think I would have enjoyed it more if it had been layed out as such. I wonder if "elephants" is a metaphor for a human member of some religious/monastic order or inner order. Since they inspect their tables, it would make sense. Unless of course "table" is a metaphor for a comfy shaded patch of grass. I also wonder who is telling this story to who. My two guesses are: a teacher to a student, or a missionary to potential converts. The last paragraph ("So, we spoon feed the knowledge to everyone in hopes that kindness, that sweet milk of human nature, has the grand opportunity envisioned by these indulgent masters of guileless reflection.") could support both. Perhaps a teacher of missionaries to his student or students. I have trouble with "abiding mastery they display". If this means "the mastery to abide", I find it awkward though it would have meaning, like an extremely strong serenity, or tolerance. Otherwise, the mastery of what? The use of the term "saga" makes me think this is just the very beginning of the story, or rather an introduction to it. It seems to me a coma is missing after "North". This is a puzzling text to me. I'm curious as to what others commentators and you, Jonathan, will say. Antoine
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

15 years 11 months ago

Minor Modifications

Antoine indicated an issue with the "saga" stanza and I've taken another stab at it to smooth it out. I also decided "Upon" should be capitalised and added the missing comma after "North." I do not know if the "saga" stanza now looses it's power. I will have to let it sit for a few days and take another look. As for the reason I choose tetrameter, it's that I like it and it is a challenge and it creates an inherent lyrical nature that is the rhythm of ballads and thus works subconsciously to worm its way into the mind. As far as the meaning of the poem, this is very close to a nonsense poem. Certainly I have commentary in it but I will not pretend any meaning above an interesting concept, visuals, word play, and a story that seems like it should mean something. My goals here is not to fool people or anything of that nature. I had an idea, I wanted to set it down, and I wanted to get reactions before I definitively stated my purpose. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

lol! Cool!

The "saga" to "mythos" works well in my opinion. I didn't want to suggest "story" and I'm glad I didn't. Antoine