lou

Jul 11, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Creation of a Killer

Not dumb struck, not in awe of you
i'm exposed, vulnerable
to your petty aggressions

i'm not stunned by your beauty
it's the cruelty seeping from you
that has that effect

If I trip up over my tongue
when i speak , its fear
not for the love of you

But one of these days i will snap
and your number will be up
it will be the end of you

— lou, Jul 11, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Critiques

Seren

16 years ago

Dear Lou

Seems like someone you dont want in your life ... give them the flick great poem bravo love and hugs JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

lou

16 years ago

Dear Jayne

Thank you , I was attempting to imagine how someonee who snaps might feel. much love love

Candlewitch

16 years ago

Dear Lou

I had one of those once (real bad dude) One suggestion with this line: and you number will be up (your) Always, Cat

lou

16 years ago

Dear Cat

Thanks lou xx

Seren

16 years ago

Just noticed it in stream

Just noticed it in stream that missing 'R' and come back to tell you and Cat has already beat me too it lol thanks Cat ~! love JayCee x x x (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

lou

16 years ago

JayCee

Thanks me dear love lou xx

Kailashana

16 years ago

Not in ore of you? A Brit

Not in *ore* of you? A Brit slang for awe? Interesting poem about distancing oneself from one's own **aggressive** tendencies. (Two g's) Try to rewrite this with the possibility of your own losing touch with reality and becoming murderous. It's gut/soul wrenching poetry then. Or speak to how YOU are distancing yourself from becoming this. A slight viewpoint change and you add texture, flavour and spice it up with real emotion...facing one's shadow, fearless. ~A "There is a kind of mysticism to writing." ~ Irvine Welsh

lou

16 years ago

Not losing it ......

It's fiction . lou xx

Kailashana

16 years ago

I didn’t say you were. I

I didn't say you were. I merely stated that your poem could be grand with a little more you in it. And less distance from that feeling of loosing it. Outstanding poetry is written by poets who have been drowned and resurrected in their fears and their *losing it*.... and yes, on another level it is all *fiction*... the story we tell ourselves is true or false. Love and Light, Anna "There is a kind of mysticism to writing." ~ Irvine Welsh

lou

16 years ago

Sorry

I misread your comments Lou xx

Geezer

16 years ago

Want lessons?...

I can teach you to be a real "Killer", in ten easy lessons! Only $19.95 LOL ~ Gee xx

lou

16 years ago

Gee

No Thank you lol Lou xx

shirley harrison

16 years ago

"LOve it Lou"

oooh my heart is now pumping a little bit faster! This is brilliant your poetry seems to get more powerful by the day! sometimes a bit of space will help but dipends on the person! Love it lou and "creation of a killer" "Masterpiece" I'm not here at the weekends so sorry i'm late its too hot to stay in Florence i go off to the mountains! with much love shirl..... shirley harrison

lou

16 years ago

Shirl me girl

you do flatter me lol lou xx

Candlewitch

16 years ago

Dear Lou

I came back to change my vote. Always, Cat

lou

16 years ago

Cat

Thank you lou xx

hobo

16 years ago

Wow Kind of scary

Wow this is kind of scary, it reminds me of something the lady in the movie Misery would say lol. great write my beautiful friend :) *You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down*

lou

16 years ago

Randy

Don't be scared , i don't bite , unless i'm asked to , lol lou xx

xena465

16 years ago

Great write Lou

One can only imgine what drives a good person to kill, but sometimes a person can only take so much of abuse and it does create a potential killer or killer. I’ve seen that film Hobo talks about it was gripping and brilliant and a perfect example of being driven to kill. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

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