raj

Jul 09, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Nirvana

Give me a wisp of smoke
on its spiral I will rise
far beyond the farthest reaches
and deepest spaces
of this universe
while the embers
turn to ashes
longing for a fateful breeze
to disperse them into oblivion
and with them
my carbon foot prints...

till then
I will toy with my Rubik's Cube
in pursuit of glory..

raj (sublime_ocean)

— raj, Jul 09, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Critiques

Dalton

15 years 11 months ago

Fine Work

Fine work indeed, only I might change in the seventh line "Into ashes" I might just put "to ashes" as it eases the flow. that is just a thought. but I liked the poem. john

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Hello John..

I do agree with you and will get it done..thanks for your comment and suggestion..in fact i am gonna tweak it much more...let me know how you find the changes if yu happen to passs by here again... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean).. warmly

Lonnie

15 years 11 months ago

Left me wanting more!

A really great read, but it left me craving for a bit more! Superb theme, and wonderful use of language! Do it some more, Please!

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Lonnie

thank you for inspiring me to do some more with this write...i hope i wont dissapoint with you with what what i would be doing with it...please chack out if you happen to re-visit this one.. warmly..raj (sublime_ocean)..

poewriter58

15 years 11 months ago

Raj

I agree that to ashes might work a bit better And I agree with Lonnie. This was just a tease my friend to better and more wonderful things as only you can write Chrys

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Awwww Chris…thank you for

Awwww Chris...thank you for your lovely comment and like Lonnie inspiring me to to add on to this appetizer :)...if you happn to re-visit this one...please let me know if you liked the next serving... much love..warmly...raj)sublime_ocean)..

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

souldom

I really liked the comparison of smoke and soul and how the remnants of both outlive the source.......scribbler

raj

15 years 11 months ago

thank you scribbler for your

thank you scribbler for your nice commentary on this write and appreciation...in response to a few comments i am giving it some more tweaks...if you happen to pass this way you will be able to see the changes... warmly..raj (sublime_ocean)...

magics02

15 years 11 months ago

Great write Ocean

Very nice indeed and sorry I have not been by to visit you lately. I really enjoyed this write of yours and hope to catch up with you soon. Retreat to the weekend Mona xoxoxo

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Hi Mona..

so nice to see you again ...you were missed for sure...thank you for dropping in and for your appreciation...if you happen to re-visit..let me know how you find the changes i propose to make ...a few tweaks and add ons... hugs...warmly....raj (sublime_ocean)..

xena465

15 years 11 months ago

Super Raj

Brilliant poem with beautiful images. "Give me a wisp of smoke on its spiral I will rise" ...I love it. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you Xena

Thank you Xena for your comment..good to see you back ...looking forward to read your next post...i am planning for a few add on lines here in response to suggestions by Lonnie n Chris... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...

Candlewitch

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Raj

This poem superb. And I do love the after thought about the Rubick's cube, lol. But these are my favorite lines: Give me a wisp of smoke on its spiral I will rise far beyond the farthest reaches and deepest spaces of this universe so beautiful and thought provoking Always, Cat

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you Cat for stopping

Thank you Cat for stopping by and appreciating the thought as well as after thought.. warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)

Seren

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Raj

I am late but ... sigh wonderful poem bravo nothing to change love and hugs JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Dear JayCee

it is a nice feeling when a seasoned poet approves and drops an appreciative comment...thank you ... love n hugz raj (sublime_ocean)..

faithmairee

15 years 11 months ago

Great Poem

Great flow and use of language...a profound poem! Very nicely written, Raj! Love-Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Well Faith..the subject of

Well Faith..the subject of Nirvana itself is profound...honestly i am not as yet spiritually oriented...but somehow i was lured by this mysterious phenomenon of salvation and decided to have a go at it in this write...thank you for your appreciative comment.. warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)..

Bluesky Woman

15 years 11 months ago

nice write , Raj

this is a poem to ponder the smallness and also vastness of the human living in these tiny bodies, while our souls long to be freed to fly with the universe.... thanks for giving us such good food for thought, Raj! hello again from Denmark, land of gentle flowing water and quiet green forests... Love Leigh "The true miracle is not walking on water or walking in air, but simply walking on this earth." Thich Nhat Hanh

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Welcome back to Neopoet

Welcome back to Neopoet Leigh...what a lovely commentary you have made on the theme of this write...it made me smile ... much love n hugs.. raj (sublime_ocean)

Tonya

15 years 11 months ago

Hmmmmmmmmm…. Very NICE

I think, I would like to think we are kind of on a same wavelength! I love the poem. The only difference, I would chose to be the smoke…. lol. I am strange. I smoke and have watched the smoke Spiral up until it dissipates ….all kinds of things can run through ones head. We ponder the fantastic’s and think of possibilities…and then we come back to reality and as you put it ‘ toy with our Rubik’s Cube. Very whimsical. I wouldn’t change a thing. Always, Tonya

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Hello Tonya...

so nice of you to drop a lovely comment ,,,like little drops of joy...thank you for describing your experience so well warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...

R.M.Shanmugam

15 years 11 months ago

i marvel at the language you

i marvel at the language you used. an inteligent poem

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you Shan….a comment

Thank you Shan....a comment coming from a seasoned poet like you is much appreciated... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)..

Nordic cloud

15 years 10 months ago

A musical smoke sails into space

Ann of Norway Oh the will-o-the-wisp of smoke rising and rising and spiralling upwards, and then the most wonderful carbon footprints they are to be seen on the clouds that encircle the planets moon's, their beautiful journeys ever spiralling on into infinity.... A musical smoke sails into the space that surrounds us and lets us know that once, you were here; beautiful. Love Ann