i have no name for this one.

in a grain of sand i have won.
lost from sound must i become.
flow for me wind. set thy high atop of winters cap.
for only in a place of never ending white.
will i find rest evers last
in cased in your clear imbrace.
finnally has thy day pasted.

— night_writer71, Jul 07, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Roscoe Lane

15 years 11 months ago

Ingrained,

thats what i would call it, your poem is good, but with work could be better. Example... Blow for me wind, and set me on top of a wintry peak. Only in a place of white never ending, will i find rest everlasting. Incased in your cold imbrace, finally thy day has pasted. Hope this helps. Regards Roscoe..

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

no name

I kept rereading this in attempt to find out why it affected me so deeply and was unable to put my finger on it.Only change I would make would be to change 2 thy's to me and my.Shouldn't cop out on title as often title goes a long way toward defining a poem and author's intent.really liked"flow for me wind" where most would have said blow.........scribbler

xena465

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Night_Writer

I agree with Roscoe and Stan. This has very deep meaning and with a little tweak it would be even more wonderful. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Candlewitch

15 years 11 months ago

Hello Night Writer

I agree with Roscoe, Stan and Xena. This piece filled me with loneliness and wistful feelings. I love it, all of it. I have a few suggestions of my own: Use capital letters at the start of a new sentence and change lower case "i" to capital "I" for it is a proper noun. I hope I have helped you with my suggestions. I can't wait to read more of your work! Always Cat