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Requiem of Love

Requiem of love...

You never asked of me this charm,
or that I find for you pots of gold,
Content to live with me in Autumn,
and through winter as you grew cold.

Please I ask, don’t end our summer,
swallows have not yet had their flight.
What right have you to act so cruel,
and bring more darkness than light?

This is not a love of one young born,
nor would I share my feelings so fast.
Who will profit from your crass scorn,
have we not learned, from the past.

We are far too close, to end our dream,
and it does not take too much imagining.
To see an ending periled and most swift,
will we then be happy with our tilting.

Allow me a moments grace as to breath,
I find your haste tiresome to say the least.
You always bring doubt into what I believe,
have I been savaged by the envious beast?

What is the purpose of your admission,
how can you look and smile with disgust.
Was I the man worthy only of derision,
will you throw away love, as well as trust.

Could we pick up this life where we left off,
and without uncertainty go into our twilight.
Or have you had too much fun as you scoff,
at my wounded heart laid bare tonight.
— Roscoe Lane, Jul 05, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Scotland, Ayrshire land of Burns.., GBR

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Critiques

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

15 years 11 months ago

Helo

Raw truth: 1st stanza, 4th line: The use of the word "it" is very impersonal, and it detracts from the conflict between the lovers. Try replacing it with "you", and it might follow the rest of the stanza more succinctly and personally. 2nd stanza, 4th line, lose the comma. End with a '?', perhaps. 3rd stanza, last line, lose the comma as well. 4th stanza, 1st and 2nd lines, "to" should be "too". 3rd line, too many syllables break the very good cadence of the poem, up to this point. Try replacing the word "very" with a one-syllable word, for instance "most". 5th stanza, last line, end in a '?' again? or change the line to something like "Savaging me like some envious beast", perhaps. Last stanza, 3rd line...another "to" that should be "too". This is good. It is intense in places, desperate in others, and fatalistic too, all melded together quite well. I enjoyed the way you show her indifference to her lover, also. Very subtle, very skillful. Hope this helps, Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you

Jim and yes it does help, i am very gratful that you dropped by with your kind comments, corrections, and suggestions. Regards Roscoe...
MS

Mari Shine

15 years 11 months ago

What a wonderous poignant

What a wonderous poignant and indepth write, you have so finely crafted for the reader to immerse themselves in. A very tender poem, which tugged at my heartstrings, as I read. Flecked with pictorial grandeur and with a wonderful play on words, it held me captive, a willing one, I must add, from the title to the very last word in the poem. Eloquently expressed, with a very smooth satin flow - a true joy to read! Thank You so very much for sharing, Roscoe. Excellent penning from your poetic pen.