"Til Death Do Us Part

Yesterday is a part of meThat only time can now eraseTomorrow holds the futureAn uncertain and empty place A smile is easily wiped awayI am proof of this eventI begged the angels to show you mercyBut they simply wouldn't relent Taken away before your timeLeaving me, with the broken piecesA heart that aches both day and nightAnd a loneliness that never ceases A promise fufilled, "'Til death do us part"Words, that I took for grantedI said I will but it came too soonFor my heart was still enchanted A piece of me too, died that dayWe never got to say goodbye'Til death do us part still means UsI'll love you till the day I die

— Whiskurz, Jul 05, 2010

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Critiques

jetz

15 years 11 months ago

Wow….I can’t think of

Wow....I can't think of more to say. I could say that I feel a few words could be removed , that are unnecessary.. L 2...now L 4...and.....and a few more in other stanzas, that you don't need.Doesn't hurt anything to remove them, but.. This is an awesome poem you have written, and it still leaves me saying...WOW. Sue

raj

15 years 11 months ago

this is a beautifull promise

this is a beautifull promise to the loved one which will reach far beyond the deepest reaches and touch her soul in the peaceful oblivion beyond....such is the power of your heart from which your promise emotes....and keep you connected warmly...raj(sublime_ocean)..

judyanne

15 years 11 months ago

whiskurs this is beautiful

and written i presume for the same lady you wrote that beautiful 'under the magnolia tree' i just now read?? no crit here i just have to say over and over how beautiful it is, wistful, but some feel of peace and hope love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html