xena465

Jul 01, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Dead Man Walking

He treads the steps of death

to save the life of a comrade.

So weighted by heavy armour

the task, far from a charade.

Beep, beep; the warning

his heart stops, skips a beat.

He nervously stands still

with the bomb at his feet.

He laughs, in pretence; saying

“Hey guys, got a live one!”

The slightest movement

and his life is over, done.

We can only imagine

this brave soldier’s deadlock.

The horror of his platoon

immobilized by shock.

A newly wedded couple, widowed

children, losing a father or mother.

Devoted families in despair

at the loss of their heroic brother.

We should spare a thought

for the loss of these men.

They give their lives for peace

over and over again.

— xena465, Jul 01, 2010

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Seren

16 years ago

5am here Xena very heavy

4am here Xena very heavy read for me at this hour of the morning but a solid write i promise to check i again tomorrow for anything I missed love and hugs JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

xena465

16 years ago

Thank you JayCee

I feel very deeply for these foot-soldiers that dedicate their lives in this way to save lives at the possible cost of their own. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Seren

16 years ago

Dear Xena

I promised i would come back ... there is nothing still that I would change hun ... I was tired as last night sorry my sons in training with the australian army going through the motions of becoming a soldier scares the shit out of me when he goes overseas I know there will not be a moment that he wont be out of my thoughts love and hugs JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

xena465

16 years ago

Dear JayCee

Thanks for coming back to it. I added another stanza after reading it again this morning. I hope your sons will be fine. I know it would scare the sh** of me too if I had kids going into the army. But someone has to do it and I commemorate their bravery. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

shirley harrison

16 years ago

fantastic write

Dear Xena, Dead man walking indeed, you have done a fab job bringing this poem to life and you have done it with respect! with much love shirl....... shirley harrison

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Shirley

I've seen some horrific footage of these brave men who survive a road-side bomb, and the carnage of those who don’t. Thank you Shirley. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Candlewitch

16 years ago

Dear Rosina

Very exciting and deep. Your words arouse my patriotism. I have nothing but respect for these people. We celebrate the fourth of July as our independence day, over here in the states, so this comes in a timely fashion. Thank you so much for reminding all of us the price of a soldier. Always, Cat

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Cat

Then I dedicate this one to you too and your compassion and understanding of this write. I was in the army for two years when I was a teenager (TA) I know it’s not like it is today, but I went through the same training as a regular soldier in a regular camp for two weeks. I saw how dedicated the full-time soldiers were. And they put us part-time soldiers through the same grilling. So I learned a lot about discipline. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Candlewitch

16 years ago

Thank you!

Always, Cat

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Cat

God bless you xxx Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Annie

I've seen many horrific movies about this kind of thing too, but in this write I’m talking about the real soldiers who are doing this very thing, and losing their lives, every day from road-side bombs. Thank you Annie. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

magics02

16 years ago

Xena

I thought of the man running loose still who killed our two officers and I realize this is for our soldiers all over the world too. Great piece of writing here Xena Mona

xena465

16 years ago

Thank you so much Mona

I really appreciate you commenting on this. I know we’ve had a few unpleasant words recently. I should stay away from blogs. I don’t like them much because I tend to say too much, or not enough. I was trying to get more involved in the site, not just read poems, and I realise now that I should stick to poems. Thank you Mona for your care on this subject. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

magics02

16 years ago

Everthing is fine with me Xena

I understand everyone has a bad day and it is past as I do not dwell in it. I did like this piece very much and have seen your growth as a writer splendidly improve much. Love,Mona

xena465

16 years ago

No problem

Thank you Mona. xxx Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

faithmairee

16 years ago

Very Well Done, Xena

Very moving poem and well written. Xena, you do lovely work. Your friend-Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Faith

Thank you very much, a little dark, I know, but it's been on my mind to write about this for a while now. And thanks for lovely compliment. Very much appreciated. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Roscoe Lane

16 years ago

Chilling thought,

great poem, but you could not imagine being in this position. They are truly the bravest of the brave, and you're words show them as such. Love Roscoe..

xena465

16 years ago

Yes Roscoe

It doesn't bear thinking about, but I have thought about it a lot. Especially the families that are devastated by death in the name of peace. Hearing the words, “Your brave loved one died for his country”, doesn’t really comfort those that have to live without them. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Mari Shine

16 years ago

Xena, this is a wonderful

Xena, this is a wonderful tribute to a brave group of people who risk life and limb each day of the year so that we may enjoy Peace. What a great debt of gratitude we owe them! Your poem also brings home to me the utter uselessness and hopelessness of War! Do we, will we - ever learn? Stellar crafting with superb visual detail, effortlessly expressed - nothing forced in the delightful smooth flow of the poem. Brilliant work Xena and I thank you for sharing it with me. Mari

xena465

16 years ago

You're a gem Mari

Thank you so much for your kind comment. War is something that will always be around, sadly, and as Cat mentioned in her comment... "We celebrate the 4th of July as our Independence Day", which is true of all of us in remembrance of war from the past, but the wars that continue, all we can do is to help re-instate peace among men, in every walk of life in this century as best we can and give the support needed to achieve this. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

judyanne

16 years ago

great write rosina

at the moment we've just lost two soldiers and seven wounded two still in intensive care, so this is a timely poem for us aussies... love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

xena465

16 years ago

Oh My!!!

I'm so sorry Judy. I know it's a combined effort to stop all this war and we all lose so many loved ones and friends each day. This 4th of July means so much to so many people. Luv & hugs to all. xxx Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

scribbler

16 years ago

walking

we can never repay those who have paid the ultimate cost of freedom.All we can do is remember them which you so eloquently have.........scribbler

xena465

16 years ago

Awe gee Stan

Thank you so much. I know most of us think about those poor soldiers and their families, but I wanted to remind the people that don't. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Dennis Go

16 years ago

Awesome!

This is a brilliant tribute to those great, brave soldiers who bled and died for us. nice touch of rhyming on each second line. Dennis

xena465

16 years ago

Golly gee

Thank you so much Dennis, much appreciated comment. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

lou

16 years ago

Xena

It's a very worthy subject and it is well written , just a tiny tweak would make, it even better. Line 3 in the first stanza might work better if you said something like 'bares the weight of his uniform with pride'. or 'feeling the pressure with pride ,' i feel it makes more sense. A fitting tribute. louxx

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Lou

But `bare` means naked, nude; and `bear` means to tolerate, carry the burden. I appreciate your suggestions though Lou thank you. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

mantiscepter

16 years ago

Heros

To me they are all hero's. loved the intensity. very well expressed. John

xena465

16 years ago

A sad write John

Our soldiers, from all walks of life, are heroes. Thanks honey. Xena Mrs John x Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

loved

16 years ago

some times

i seemingly gloss over like a dead man come alive tis a good way to a dead man describe

xena465

16 years ago

Thank you Loved

They have a horrible job to do, but someone has to. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

rogerramjet365

16 years ago

Hiya

This says it all....... Love Rog x

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Rog

Thank you very much. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Lil Z

16 years ago

Another great one!

This is very deep and brilliant!

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Lil

Thank you. Much appreciated. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Beauregard

16 years ago

Hello Xena,

I'm going to try something a little different with my suggestions today. My suggestions will be in [brackets] on your poem. He treads the steps of death to save the life of a comrade. [So weighted by his] uniform the task, far from a charade. Beep, beep; the warning his heart stops, skips a beat. He nervously stands still with the bomb at his feet. He laughs, in pretence; saying “Hey guys[,] got a live one!” The slightest movement and his life is over, done. We can only imagine this brave soldier’s deadlock. The horror of his platoon immobilized [by] shock. A newly wedded couple, widowed children, losing a father or mother. Devoted families in despair at the loss of their heroic brother. We should spare a thought for the loss of these men [who] give their lives for peace over and over again. -- Very little to suggest with this one, Xena. Brava, it's wonderfully written and so, so true. Kelsey "In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me." -Edgar Allan Poe "If technique is of no interest to a writer, I doubt that the writer is an artist." -Marianne Moore

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Kelsey

Thank you very much. I will revise your suggestions. I'm guessing that you think I should omit some of the words, and replace some lines? So I give it a go. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

BiPolarMania

16 years ago

Great poem

Love the subject matter, love the use of humour in the face of horror.... Really enjoyed, thanks for sharing

xena465

16 years ago

Nice to hear from you.

I guess what I was trying to portray with the humour side was that when in the face of danger, we don’t always react the way we think we will; and clever you got that. Thank you so much. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Ayaz Warith

16 years ago

Great Xena

I really like the simplisity of your language. Really enjoyed it.

xena465

16 years ago

Thank you Ayaz

Nice to hear form you. Very much appreciated. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Seren

16 years ago

Congrates on evolution Xena

Congrates on evolution Xena ... brava ~! love and hugs JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

xena465

16 years ago

Thanks JayCee

To be honest I don’t have a clue how evolution in poems work. I’m almost sure a lot of members probably don’t really know either. But I’m glad for this poem because it’s for the soldiers who put their lives in more danger than they need to. If it wasn’t for them more of our soldiers would face certain death even before facing the wrath of gun-fire. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Seren

16 years ago

Dear Xena

Underneath the evolution poem is this .. (Check out the poetry in the running for Evolution.) when you click on that ??? it will bring up this (Home In the running for Evolution vote count Is Greater ThanIs Greater Than Or EqualsIs Equal ToIs Not Equal ToIs Less Than Or EqualsIs Less Than Average vote No of votes Title Date (Created) Date (Updated) 100 16 Dead Man Walking 1 week 2 days ago 3 days 19 hours ago 100 3 POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE updated 1 week 2 days ago 3 days 7 hours ago 100 3 Night River Haiku updated 2 weeks 3 days ago 2 days 18 hours ago 100 4 Angel Of Flesh new 28 weeks 2 hours ago 1 day 1 hour ago 100 5 Vanity new 31 weeks 19 hours ago 1 day 1 hour ago 100 8 Jumping Breasts new 33 weeks 2 days ago 2 days 22 hours ago 98 10 Sand updated 1 week 2 days ago 2 days 23 hours ago 97.6471 17 Phantom Zone updated 2 weeks 3 days ago 3 days 19 hours ago 94.2857 7 The Healer new 2 years 7 weeks ago 1 day 1 hour ago 93.3333 3 Love Hurts new 3 weeks 2 days ago 3 days 10 hours ago What's "Evolution"? It's our way of showcasing a few highly rated poems that have been recently revised. Evolution is determined largely in the same way as the Spotlight, with two differences: •The poem must have been revised (not created) in the past four days (not the past week) •To prevent competition between the Spotlight and Evolution for the same poem, poems that have been created in the past nine days are excluded -- in other words, Evolution is only for work that has been revised on Neopoet) hope that helped explain evolution for you love and hugs JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

xena465

16 years ago

Cheers JayCee

You have explained this perfectly. Thank you very much. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

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