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xraycat
Jun 30, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

dreams that flow

As I sit in this field and think of you the clouds drift apart and the sun shines through.
Squeezing my eyes shut and blinking to check its true, tingling up my spine, 
even before im with you.
I'm filled with the warmth that only you bring, that comforts ,that breathes relief to my soul.

Sometimes I despair that our time is so precious,
knowing that there will come a time, when the last grain of sand will pass through.
and all that i'll have is memories of you,

But then I remember how foolish I am.
We are not just the same, as these grains of sand.
For now you ARE me, as I am now you, imprinted on my soul.
Forever, today 

 
— xraycat, Jun 30, 2010
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Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years ago

Hello x ray cat

this sentimental and reflective piece is lovely. I very much like how you have expressed your emotions and thoughts. My favorite lines are: but then i remember how foolish i am, we are not just the same, as these grains of sand. for now you ARE me, as i am now you, imprinted on my soul, forever, today Just one thing "i" should be written as "I" because it is a proper noun. Always, Cat
judyanne

judyanne

16 years ago

this deserves nomination

but the literary major in me will not allow it until the apostrophes and punctuation have been corrected. i offer my edit xxxxx As I sit in this field and think of you the clouds drift apart and the sun shines through. Squeezing my eyes shut and blinking to check it’s true, tingling up my spine, even before I’m with you. I’m filled with the warmth that only you bring, that comforts, that breathes relief to my soul. Sometimes I despair that our time is so precious as the sand pours through the hour glass, knowing that there will come a time when the last grain of sand will pass through and all that I’ll have is memories of you. But then I remember how foolish I am. We are not just the same as these grains of sand. For now you ARE me, as I am now you, imprinted on my soul, forever, today. How lucky am I. What a find! love to you cat, this is really beautiful reads smoothly and with wisps of sadness knitted with hope and love hugs judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
judyanne

judyanne

16 years ago

also

'as the sand pours through the hour glass' - a bit cliche sorry, can't think of an alternative right now - will ponder it for you... love xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
judyanne

judyanne

16 years ago

i've had a think

Sometimes I despair that our time is so precious, knowing that there will come a time when the last grain of sand will pass through the glass, and all that I'll have is memories of you. xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
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xraycat

16 years ago

Thanks green eyes! And Judy,

Thanks green eyes! And Judy, my computer crashed and i might need to reload the word again, The original poem was better structured with capital letters and all, but did not submit, so this was my half hearted attempt to see if edit would work, it did! Thank you for re-arranging, it reads alot better, ill see if arty can help me make the changes, and thanks again for inspiring me to change that cliche...still thinking about it myself so lets see who gets there first, love and hugs xcat
judyanne

judyanne

16 years ago

just bought a new computer and used the 3rd word

so we'll have to ring them and tell them we're using it for the same computer that crashed - michelle tells me we can do that so - anytime i'm on hols at the moment - leave for sydney on the 9th, get back 30th lol judy xxxx meanwhile you can copy and paste straight from my comment (pull up two windows - that makes it easier) but you might want to remove the full stop at the end of line 3 - dependent on exactly what you mean to say...(xxxx) http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
judyanne

judyanne

16 years ago

nominated

even though punctuation still not quite right... see my above suggestion for getting around the sands of time cliche xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
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xraycat

16 years ago

ok, i think ive corrected

ok, i think ive corrected the lot now, I like your suggestion, i didnt actually have to spell out the hourglass meterfore (spell check),it leaves a little to the imagination, which ive been told, is a good thing, thanks judy xcat
R

raj

16 years ago

I could feel the river of

I could feel the river of love meander and flow in your write...it was a pleasure to sit on the banks of that river and feel its ripples... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)

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